The title says it all I suppose, well that's what I was told by her last week ( not for the first time), but this time I do believe she meant it with all her heart.
You may know I've always had a difficult relationship with her in fact if I'm truthful she's bullied me all my life and although I con myself into thinking I'm a grown woman and able to deal with her never ending snide snips at me, I'm not.
But I was told of an incident that happened last week involving a good friend and mother, she relayed this story to me about mothers behaviour ( and since had it backed up by someone else) and cruel vile comments, I was shocked, embarrassed, disgusted and above all ashamed of her. I obviously can't say anything to mother because I'm not meant to know but along with her behaviour towards me and telling everyone I'm spending her pension, I'm a hard nosed poor excuse of a daughter..I just can't get passed this.
So because I do her washing/ironing/shopping/ pay the bills and I live over an hour away this is going to be difficult to sort out.
I stopped ringing her every morning at 9-30 because she refused to speak to me, so seemed bloody pointless to me.
I decided after a week of this to drive over to hers with her washing etc and dump it inside her back door, I know, I'm a coward but just can't face another run in with her..plus I'm disgusted with her so didn't want to see her.
She sent me a couple of texts(worst thing I ever did, teach her to text..she's a bloody wizard with the phone) demanding I stop the redirection of her post, which would cause mayhem with me paying her bills and to get her a debit card( another sore point) ..
Rang her this morning, she won't answer my calls.
Hubby's birthday today so got friends calling in all day off and on, tying to be happy and chirpy while all the while my stomachs in knots..I can't do it anymore, I can't cope with her, so im not going to fight anymore. She can get on with it, since I was 16 yrs old when I went to see her doctor because I didn't know how to cope with her then and he told me to Get yourself away from her my dear, because if you don't she will manipulate you for the rest of your life' !!! Wise words but stupid me knew better..pha!
Anyway I'm going on a bit but you get my point??
I didn't intend for this to be a sob story, it's not..but I do feel guilty..will I ever not?
Love and calm lives to you all.xxxx
FormerMember
hi there mandy, well i am busy posting tonight!! i am in a reverse situation, my eldest son who is 52, hasnt been in contact for 14 yrs also my 2nd son, 50 , who is a twin to my daughter who lives close by to me, they made their choices who they wanted to be friends with, [where there was money!!, my sister,] who is now dead, certainy not much money with us, a lot of love, my attitude is its their loss as i see it, i know i havent been a terrible mum, praps not perfect, but i did the best i could under the circumstances, and the best i knew how , no books on being a mum or a daughter is there ? .
this is why we "choose our friends", it just does not mean that we automatically love our parents or children, i think if people were honest they have family members they get on better with than others, the scale of liking/ disliking is very great and we all fall somewhere between.
please do not feel guilty about how you feel about your mum, i felt the same about my father, no tears when he died, that was 1963, and i have no regrets about it. try and be strong and stick to your guns, no one deserves the treatment that is being dished out to you, what advice would you give to someone else mandy? try and follow that advice, life is so short as you know by this sight, dont waste it by worrying about something you CAN NOT change.
Okay, no. Your mother is a nutcase, and you should have left her to rot years ago. If you ever start feeling guilty about her, go back and read the message you sent me the other day. My mouth is still hanging open slightly from that one!
Odin, thanks so much for your input. Why is it everyone makes sense but me?? I just can't think straight at the mo?? My half brother who I only see twice a year and has very little contact with mother said that mother has always been jealous of me???? And as far as he can remember she's been hateful to me.
I suppose if I didn't know my mother and just met her, you know what? I wouldn't like her. So that says it all I suppose!!
Twirly, I've just read that article...OMG...it could be written about me!!! That's definately the next book for me to buy, so thank you very much. I can relate to every word and I mean every word. I don't know if I'm as brave as Danu and I suppose I've got to consider that I have power of attorney too so how do I stand with that?
I will still continue to sort her finances out and drop her pension off every week, I just can't face seeing or speaking to her so will continue to dump everything at the back door and do a runner!!
The next thing will be for her to contact her solicitors to stop the P.O.A..? Can that be done? That will make me look bad, won't it!
Thank you so much..all help gratefully recieved!!
Hugs to everyone xxx
Hilary,
I can't believe I told you..! Haha close your mouth you've been catching flies too long!
Sorry to land you with that, but that was the turning point for me..
Hope tummys ok.xxxx
Ps...haven't told anyone else, too ashamed.
Katie,
Your so right, if I was giving someone else advice Id say.. 'you've done your best, and its not enough and nothing ever will be', it's just hard to just turn your back.
In fact it's almost like when the children leave home, you feel redundant.almost like 'what do I do now'!
No there are no books on being a good mum, but like you said you know when you've done your best.,I'm sorry about your sons, from what I've seen it def is thier loss and I may just claim you as my mum!!
A hooge hug from me to you.xxxx
