So I’ve got just under a month until my op. Not sure how I’m feeling at the moment. Im excited (not sure that’s the right word for it) as the sooner it’s done the sooner I can recover and get back to normal. One of the things that’s annoying me and worrying me the most is the nipples. Apparently I’ve been told that I will wait about 6 months after my op to then go back and have the nipples done. Its bad enough that I have to have this surgery but I want to be back to normal as soon as possible, back to being me, how can I feel like me without nipples?? It might sound ridiculous, but as a 30 year old woman, who is single, who does like going gout enjoying herself and is intimate with men, how long before I feel comfortable with my “sticky on nipples” ? Will I ever feel comfortable to be able to do that or will I need to wait until I have my own nipples and they have healed. These silly, yet realistic things are flying through my head. It sounds vain, doesn’t it?
As I write this, I feel sad. I feel sad because a good friend’s sister, who is 22 years old, starts chemo on Monday. Intensive, aggressive chemo. She had a tumour the size of a rugby ball removed about a month ago, and now they are concerned that the cancer has spread so are doing chemo to make sure all cells are killed off. Its some kind of very rare germ cell cancer? I might not have that right. But she is never far from my thoughts. Especially just now as I face a preventative measure so I am hopefully never in her position. And there she is, facing this god almighty massive “thing”. Her journey is clearly far from. But I know she’s a fighter and the Hospital staff seem very positive that she will recover well.
Even though my surgery is a choice, I keep thinking of her and wondering why this had to happen to her? It’s a natural response to have, wouldn’t matter who it was I’d no doubt feel the same. It just made me realise how lucky I am to have the option to do this. I don’t want to downplay my surgery as it is massive surgery, one that will change my body and most probably how I look at myself, but this young woman is facing losing her hair (it’s a definite that she will, and she has the most gorgeous long locks), she will be so ill and so weak. Some people call me brave for doing this, but when I look at her, that’s braveness, courage and strength. Anyone who faces this awful disease, in my eyes, represents all of those things.
