Ever since diagnosis I have been up and down like a demented jack in the box. I told myself I would keep a diary so that I could keep a check on any new symptoms, when they started, if they were relevant or just a product of my fear. I've sat down at the desk with a notebook and pen ready to start many times then felt either silly at writing stuff down or scared that my family would find, read and either think me mad or be scared to death at the thoughts I have written in my book.
Perhaps a blog on here will be the answer. I don't know but I will try it. Perhaps seeing some of my fears written down will make them seem less threatening, put things more into perspective. So here goes.
I am afraid of my cancer........there, I've admitted it out loud. I'm afraid of a lot of other things too:-
I am also feeling scared today as I have noticed pains in my arms and legs ( which I had prior to diagnosis and which my consultant said "may" have been part of my symptoms) have returned. They are not as bad, or as frequent, and may be nothing to do with NHL anywa,y so do I put up with it until my next lot of watch and wait blood tests on 19th April or do I ask my GP to do a blood test to check if my platelets have dropped or there are any changes in my cell count?
My life feels so full of uncertainty and endless questions now -how the hell will I cope when I need treatment?
Think I will go and spend an hour with my sewing machine!
