the journey

2 minute read time.

my amazing dad has been battling cancer for nearly 2 years now(wish i had found this site then)i thought i would write a diary /blog of how his treatment is going. it all began back in april 2009 when a urine infection showed up a tumour on his right kidney.he was whisked in to hospital to have the kidney removed within a week and the op was a success.he felt great after the op and back to normal within days so it came as a great shock to us all at his 3 month check up that the cancer had returned.they found small nodules on his lungs and tumours in the bone(hip and bottom of back) by the start of october dad had been given the cancer drug sutent.the side effects he felt made him lose weight all his hair went snowy white,had no taste for food and nausea. the nausea was controlled with different drugs.one of the good things about this treatment was you got a 2 week break in each cycle so on his 2 weeks off his appetite returned and he started to feel better. the sutent meds kept him ticking away for 14 months.we got the news end of nov begining of dec 2010 that a tumour in the spine had grown from 7cm to 18cm so the sutent was not keeping the cancer at bay so he was removed from it. this came as a huge blow to mum,dad myself and brother as who knew what the next step would be. he suffered with pains in his legs and a scan showed a non malignant tumour compressing the spine making the legs painful so he had 2 lots of radiotherapy which def helped and shrunk the tumour.dad was told of a new drug that they wanted him to trial.sadly he was not suitable for the trial due to blood counts etc but was told there was a fairly new cancer drug called everolimus(afinitor) they wanted him to try. this however would need funding.the price was very high but like the sutent(which needed funding we were optomistic.the news back 2 weeks later was no PCT had turned us down but dads consultant had applied to another company and they said yes.dad has been on the new treatment 10 days now.the main side effect of this is such a sore swollen mouth with ulcers which stops his ability to eat and drink.he does seem quite out of it at the moment so we are contacting mcmillan nurses and his cancer nurse.

7th march 2011

dad has been admitted to hospital.for the last 4 days or so he has been quite out of it.he is very dissorientated ,grabbing for things that are not there,hallucinations,sleeping 22 hours a day.we have spoken to a nurse and she seems to think it could be to do with his type 2 diabetes as he had a urine reading of 27.8(very high) we were told to take dad to his cancer ward at the hospital where it seems it is not the diabetes but a build up of morphine pain relief(mum did stop giving him this 2 days ago as pain was ok and because he seemed so out of it)they have kept dad in for at least overnite and the morphine has been stopped. they have also stopped the cancer drug for now as his poor mouth is so sore so they want to try an get him back to better health before restarting the drug again. i will update when i have more news.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    what a day we had yesterday.it was so emotional but beautiful from start to finish. i had a few tears in the morning over dad but felt very calm as felt he was with me every step. the weather was bloody awful and i was gutted as we were getting married in a castle near the beach and was desperate for pics on the beach. as the registrar pronounced us husband and wife the rain stopped an the sun came out for about an hour. just time to get all our beach shots taken then it chucked it  down again. im sure dad had something to do with that!

    the speeches were so emotional. i think every person there had tissues to their eyes and my husband broke down doing his speech( the most beautiful heartfelt speech ever). so so emotonal for us all but we had so many laughs and the day was just perfect. we had a picture of dad up and asked everyone who would have bought dad a drink if he had been here to pop some money in a pot as charlie and myself are doing the race for life tomorrow. we raised about £200 so that was fab and we will split it between cancer research and macmillan.

    tomorrow will be so difficult for me being fathers day. i will go to the grave after the race for life and have some quiet time with dad there.

    take care and lots of hugs and love to you all x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JUNE 19th 2011

    today has been a very hard day. being fathers day it has hit me hard that my wonderful dad is not here. this morning me and charlie and a few friends and my 8 year old step daughter did the race for life in memory of dad. it was so emotional for us all and reading everyone elses messages is heartbreaking but we soldiered on and me and my step daughter walked the whole 5k and did it in 50 mins so are very proud. mum and my brother and uncle and sister in law and nephews were all there cheering us on which was fab and really helped us

    later on sean took me to the grave so i could and see dad. i placed my race for life medal on his grave and told him how much i love and miss him and had a good cry with sean.

    tonight i am going to have a quiet night with the kids before i go back to work tomorrow

    love and miss u my wonderful dad so very very much x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JUNE 20th 2011

    today has been a day of work and back to normality..whatever that is these days as since dad died nothing seems normal

    i have had a fairly good day keeping busy and seeing clients and family. i think maybe im buzzing so much from our beautiful wedding on friday that i dont want to be sad. i know i cant control that feeling but its how i feel right now. im sure my dad is here with me every day keeping me strong  and even though i miss him so so much it brings me comfort knowing he is still with me.to some that may sound odd but its like part of him didnt die and he stayed here with us and if it brings me comfort then i suppose why not believe that. maybe it will feel different one day but for now im ok with things

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JUNE 22nd 2011

    today has been one for reflection. i had some work this morning but then the afternoon i was at home alone. it gave me plenty of time to think...not always good thing though as i felt quite low,missing dad,feeling guilty that i had such an amazing wedding and was still buzzing when surely i should still be falling apart???

    i know my lovely dad would want us all to carry on but i feel so guilty that we are and he is not part of it.my mums brother left mum this morning to go back home to france after being with her nearly 3 weeks. she is missing him terribly but also knows she has to get used to being on her own. we will all keep an eye on her and make sure she is ok

    this weekend sean and i are going away on our own to cornwall for our honeymoon and we are so looking forward to that.while we are there we are going to see some of dads family that live there so will be lovely to see them.

    im still waiting for this big bang of emotion to hit me...i thought that was what happened when u lost someone u loved but its not....maybe it wont happen at all and will just hit me in little waves every now and then or maybe it will happen 1 day. all i know is that i have to carry on for now with life as that what dad would want me to do

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JUNE 24th 2011

    sean and i are off to cornwall today for along weekend.it looks like the weather will be kind to us and the hotel we are staying in looks amazing and will be a lovely relaxing time away.

    my eldest went to the grave yesterday and chatted for ages with her grandad telling him everything that has been happening etc.later on though she was shopping and saw someone who looked just like my dad and it broke her heart.as she was telling me the tears started to fall down my face..i seem to have no control over tears and when they happen. i had been fine yesterday until a client of mine was chatting about the wedding and then said how sorry she was dad had passed away and that was it ,the floodgates opened.sometimes people say same thing as this lady did and im fine,other times i just crumble.there seems no reason or pattern to this which can be frustrating and prob embarrassing for my clients but they have all been fab.

    i will update over the weekend and let you all know how im doing