its been a long day today. couldnt sleep last nite as mind was churning over stuff. woke up feeling like hell and exhausted. was seeing my oncologist today, so big day, the usual worries about 'hope my bloods are fine' hope this and that..
anyhow got told my white cells are low so no chemo this week. he is going to review things next week. feel a bit worried as lots been going on since last week and I am sure its partly contributed to it all. also relieved as i am not in teh right state to m ind to have chemo. broke down infront of the oncologist teling him that i am really struggling and am worried i might not coping well. work issues, partner just left me, worries about new chemo treatment working...
got a lot of sympathy from him and he signed me off for 3mths, recommending i rest. hard one as yes i do need rest, but am so worried i might get depressed being at home, as i will start thinking about all sorts of stuff, esp my broken relationship and depress myself. still thinking about waht i want todo.
so tired now, but worried i might be able to sleep. bought myself some relaxation CD's. let you all know how these work.
good nite
Jas
