Yet another day gone, yet another day closer to the dreaded treatments. Still not sure how I feel about it, after feeling very stressed and down yesterday I wasn't much better this morning. It didn't help that I had to see the hospital dentist today. Now, whats worse than going to the dentist? Going to the dentist when they are specifically looking to see if you need any kind of work done (no matter how small) and any reason to remove a few teeth. You see, the radiotherapy will reduce my saliva production (possibly permanently) and saliva plays an important part in protecting your teeth from decay (I never knew this) so during and after cancer treatments they like to keep a very close eye on the general condition of your teeth.
Now bear in mind that I have very little faith in my old dentist, after all no mention was made of the pre-cancerous scarring to the side of my tongue, so had no idea what state my teeth would be in now. I know my gums are swollen up to buggery, I don't know why but then again I have always tended to have swollen gums when stressed or ill, right now I'm both. So I was somewhat apprehensive. In fact I saw a very nice guy, very friendly and he immediately made me feel better about the appointment (when I lived in london I used to have a dentist like that, never had a problem going for treatment then). He had a good poke around, assessed the state of my bite, how mobile my jaw is, how my teeth now line up after having it broken on the operating table etc. Bit of a poke around too, much talk of depth of gums (or how many millimetres they swelled up towards my teeth), but no x-ray (think I'm going to get enough xrays soon) and a clean bill of dental health. The consultant also had a quick look after I mentioned how much pain I get when brushing my teeth (the first couple of brushes are excruciating, then its fine) but they thought this was down to the swollen gums and would settle down in a few months.
Then he complimented me on a "well cared for" and "very healthy" set of teeth. I can't tell you how much of lift that gave me, some good news for once. Hopefully the first of many bits of good news regarding my health. Silly really, but it did make me feel better.
Hopefully my mood will stay lifted for a while, I know it takes its toll on my dear wife when I'm down. I try to explain that I'm not angry or upset with her, but she still seems to take it that way, I think she blames herself for not being able to do anything to take the pain away. If only she realised how much she already does take it away, she gives me hope, she gives me a reason to carry on, everytime she cuddles me she makes me feel better.
I know she doesn't read all of these posts, but I hope she reads this one. I do tell her these things, but sometimes I think you need to read something to properly take it in.
