Another Saturday done, been a quiet sort of day. The kids spent a good chunk of the afternoon down the park playing, which is good, we had that little monkey of a granddaughter come round for a couple of hours, which is always nice. Shame I fell asleep again on the sofa whilst she was here, I rather feel like I missed out a bit.
Other than that, nothing much has been going on, I have once again gone the entire day without feeling hungry. I ate some breakfast at like ten o'clock, not because I wanted anything but because I had to. I really can't get used to it, I don't understand why my appetite has changed so much, time was if I didn't eat some breakfast by about half eight you be able to heat my stomach growling down the bottom of the road.
Lunchtime was the same, I ate because I had to, not because I wanted anything. Rather disappointingly I have not gained anymore weight, but then I haven't been using as many of the supplement drinks. I will have to make sure I use them more, I don't particularly like them, but I don't dislike them either. Rather like most food now I am ambivalent to it, well to anything I can actually have. I would love a nice steak or a nice tuna steak or a roast dinner, fish and chips even, anything that's not soup or yogurt.
Oh well, I guess its just another thing to push past, before I know it I will be through the chemotherapy and radiotherapy and properly recovering from this crap, getting help with my speech and chewing and moving onto proper food again. I do wonder if my appetite will come back though, I have heard that some people never fully get it back, something fundamental having been changed or a new way of eating been learned that means they don't eat the same as before. I can't say that will be a bad thing, I was gradually putting weight on before the cancer, so if I can maintain a healthy weight after at the loss of my old appetite then I won't be sorry.
Avoiding middle age spread is one hell of a silver lining, especially given how I was running head long towards it before, perhaps a relearned eating habit and changed appetite will be a positive thing, especially in this age of the obesity epidemic :-)
