Wow. Day 60? Seems like a damned lifetime now, I'm not sure I can remember what it was like not to have the damned thing hanging over me now. I certainly can't remember what its like not to have Cancer at the top of your list of things to worry about.
Its certainly put things into perspective, I guess. I don't get stressed about being late with the morning school run any more - what would be the point - I also don't really give a crap about money either. I worry more about how my family are coping with everything and whats next for me on this roller-coaster ride.
Thanks to some friendly advice from the online community at Macmillian (wonderful service offered there) I'm not even stressing about the radio and chemo like I was. Sure I'm not looking forward to it, but I think that the prospect of a tube being fitted through my abdomen to my stomach is worrying me more than anything else now. I think I will have a serious talk to them about not doing it, surely given that I am actually gaining weight at the moment and that I am a relatively young 39 (well, 40 by the time treatment starts) means I should not have a massive reaction to the treatment. Especially with the help of this Caphosol mouthwash. I've said it before - especially when people ask me how I feel about all this bad luck, what with getting such a rare cancer at a young age and all - I have always felt that I have had luck when I need it. Not when I want it, I'll admit that, I've never won on the lottery, not really won prizes generally - but I have always had luck when I really need it. For example, I consider the whole timing of visiting the doctors with a ulcer that wouldn't go away, the subsequent hospital referral and operation to be good luck.
Think about it, bad luck there would have been waiting another few weeks to go to the doctor, or the cancer spreading much further (as a tongue cancer has a will to do) or indeed leading to me having the whole tongue removed, rather than 70% of it. Bad luck would have been it riddling my lymphatic system, bad luck would have been secondary tumours in my head or lungs. So I have some faith that I will have good luck here too, that with support the radio and chemo won't be as bad as it could be. I tend to recover pretty fast, I think I will here too.
I might not believe in god, but I do believe in my own luck being there when Ireally need it to be :-)
