Originally published 30/4/13
I've had a relatively quiet day today, I'm still digesting the information about the next stage of treatment - the length and severity of it. I find I feel rather like I would rather not have it done, that I have already done my part, that too much is being asked. Of course I am going to do it, regardless, I simply cannot escape it or avoid it. Never in my life have I failed to face down something hard or unpleasant that needs to be done and I simply will not start now.
But it all worries me, not only what I must go through, but the effect on my family and especially my wife. I will admit that I am scared, although the logical side of me says this is normal, but none the less I am less certain of the future right now than I have been at any other time in my life. It's not a feeling I like.
I don't doubt we will get through, I have a cast iron certainty that this cancer is beaten already - what else can I think? But uncertainty eats at me, weakens my resolve a little. My resolve remains though, it will not be broken.
On a better note, I was able to pick the kids up from school today, another wonderful step back into my old, normal, life. It was a wonderful feeling to do it again after more than three weeks. But today it has been exactly three weeks since the operation, at the time of writing this three weeks ago I had been on the table for about 14 hours and I had another 6 hours to go. To think that today I am back at home and doing the school run is rather amazing, a testament to the surgeons and nurses who cared for me. A testament to the awesome power of the human body.
Rather cool, in fact.
