Originally published 23/4/13
Hopefully this is the last entry to my diary from a hospital room, I am heartily sick of this place now - the doctors and nurses, in fact all the staff on ward, have been wonderful - friendly, helpful, caring, nice, attentive. In fact I think these people epitomise what is right about the NHS, in fact what is right about people in general. It's safe to say that rather a lot of my faith in humanity has been restored. If there is anywhere that you can see just how right the human race can get things, then I think its here.
I can't honestly say I have had a good time, I never expected that post operation reaction - honestly I can only describe it as as paranoid delusional episode - to be like that. I also didn't expect eating to be so hard either, its funny how much of the mechanics of eating you just do without thinking about. Speech was another big shock, for me anyway, for a while there a pen and paper was the best way to communicate, not something I expected. I can honestly say that these people have had a massively positive impact on me, which will stay with me forever I think.
So I sit here wanting to be at home, thinking about seeing the kids again, thinking about just sitting on the sofa with my wife in the evening. I think about these things because I don't want to dwell on something else - that as this part of my treatment ends another must surely start. I don't want too write about it now, I think it will turn a positive post rather negative. Its a sort of "why me" point, but then doesn't everyone who had been through cancer feel that? Right now I want to remain strong, face his bloody cancer and kick it right in the nuts and scream "you can't and you won't beat me".
Is that the hardest part, perhaps? Remaining strong, standing up to this thing and giving it a bloody nose? Well, I will do that, I will carry on doing it - not for me, but for my family - my wife and kids.
Do you hear me, cancer? I am resolute, I am indomitable, you can't win, so just f*ck off.
