Originally published 22/4/13
Speech and language saw me today for the first time, not much help really, I've had enough of "you're doing so well on your own" and to be honest it feels a bit like I'm the only one that's trying here.
Once again, I have to be patient, let things heal and then the work can start. I guess this is fair enough, but I really want to get back to my old self now not in six months time.
I do wonder how close I will get, how long it will take for me to learn to eat properly again, for my speech to recover. When do you really feel that you're rid of the cancer?
I think the enormity of my situation is starting to sink in, given that I have time to brood over it. Five years of checks, then a "full remission" sticker - not really a "cured" sticker which you really want. Not really sure how I feel about it, in a couple of days and back at home I daresay I will feel more buoyant, but right now I feel weighted down.
Generally I think that I have been lucky, this could have been such a different story. I have had a run in with an aggressive fast growing cancer, will I get away with it though? I hope so, I feel like I have, the surgeons seemed to be terribly positive (but then again, what else would they say?) In this game surgery seems to be the most important part of cancer treatment, so I guess I should feel good. I do, I think, just worried about what happens next, the impacts of it, the dreaded histology report on the bits theory scooped out.
I won't ask anyone to wish me luck, you've all done so much of that I have a horrible feeling that you'll all use yours up :-)
Besides, does luck come into it now? I don't think so, not with the support of my wonderful wife, family and friends.
