Originally published 19/4/13
It has impressed me how much difference a good nights sleep can make. I'd not really noticed that my sleep was bad, but until last night I think. I must have only been sleeping for 50% of the night.
A certain despondence had settled on me yesterday, to be honest, I had found eating much more difficult than I had expected. Not sure what my expectations were, but obviously they were higher than reasonable in the given circumstances. perhaps I just expect a lot from myself - unfairly so - so that when I have to learn something I expect to do it quickly and nail it, as it were. You see, after my operation not only can I not swallow, I also cannot chew properly - its amazing how much you use your tongue generally in the whole eating thing. The problem is twofold, obviously only a small part of my tongue offers any feeling - the rest is just a flap of skin with appropriate blood supply taken from my arm, it is never going to do anything like the lost muscle or tastebuds, but also that where my jaw has been broken and skin cut to open the whole region and allow surgical access to my tongue then I have a lot of numb skin. I can't feel were things are in my mouth, which is very important during the eating process. Yes, logically I have to wait and heal, I just don't want to.
Either way, I woke up more rested and have managed a bit better I think. I'm drinking enough to keep everyone happy, I managed to eat several yogurts and drink several build up drinks, I even struggled through about a third of the purée dinner by washing it down with lots of water. I will do better with that when I have had professional help, which hopefully will be Monday. This done I should be given some exercises to strengthen my tongue and help me re-learn to use it. Perhaps I will be less hard on myself, but probably not.
On another unpleasant note, last night I managed to pull my feeding tube out. Given that the first one fell out on its own (honest) I was surprised to awake coughing and spluttering in the night, where I had managed to partially remove it and food was dripping in my nose. Ugh. They whipped it out and gave me a IV drip instead and I managed to spend the majority of today unconnected, a great feeling :-)
Having it replaced was horrible though, so if you awake with one then treat it with respect and care or they put a bigger one in >_<
