About me: I am an ex nurse, now medical Sales Rep. I got divorced earlier this year and have 2 amazing kids. Boy of 10 and girl of 15. I've been through a tough 3 years and I'm finally getting everything in place to move on with my life. That was until a few weeks ago...... Last year I went to the Cancer Genetics clinic and asked to be tested as my Grandmother, her sisters and her brother all passed away with various forms of cancer. Mainly gastric but breast was there too. My granny had breast cancer in her 30s and when she died 18 years ago she had lived 30 years past that diagnosis. Don't get me wrong, she had uterine, bone and brain mets by the time she passed away so it wasn't all wonderful. My uncle (mum's brother) also had stomach cancer and survived (and still surviving). My aunt (mums sister) had breast cancer last year and she's a survivor. I was shown a very substantial cancer family tree at the time that went back to my grandmothers grandmother. At the time I was told it was a West coast of Scotland diet and pure bad luck that were the causes. A referral to the breast clinic and nothing else was advised. Basically, go away and don't worry is what I was told. Then, in June this year, my uncle had the genetic testing done and his came back BRCA 2 positive. No prizes for guessing we went back to the clinic for answers. Both my mum and I were tested on the same day. I was told My sample would only be tested if mums came back positive. My mum is in her 60s, fit and very active. She runs 10Ks. To be totally honest I thought there really was no way that the test would be anything but negative. So, even though I'd thought about it, I wasn't anywhere near ready when I got the result 6 weeks later. Yes, it took 6 weeks to get the result, and that was after me chasing it for 2 weeks. I remember sitting in my car in the driveway whilst the genetic counsellor told me and I couldn't speak for sobbing. Now, I don't cry. I don't cry for anyone and definitely not in public. With this, I couldn't control it. I have no idea what Mark the counsellor said after he said "Michelle, you have inherited the mutated BRCA 2 gene from your mum". I had to call him back later when I calmed down. I saw Mark again 2 weeks later to discuss the options. There are 3 elevated risks for me Ovarian cancer, Breast cancer and Gastric cancer. He went through each risk and the options. Now, the risk of gastric is unknown because it is not generally linked to BRCA 2 mutation. Breast is 60-85% and Ovarian is around 25%. At the time of this meeting, I had already decided on double mastectomy and reconstruction. I hadn't even considered ovarian so that was pretty much a shock. Not because they hadn't told me previously, but, because I hadn't even considered it as nobody had it in the family. Those that had passed away hadn't lived long enough to tell if they would have got it. Mark said I'd have various referrals which was fine with me. I have private health insurance through work. A very close friend said I should chance it and ask Bupa if I'd be covered. They'll cover me for breast and ovarian surgery. So that meant I could move quicker than the NHS. I did ok for the next week or so. Spoke to close friends and didn't put any kind of fear or anxiety to it all. I phone for the consultations and WOW it hit me. I had an appointment with the Gynaecologist and Breast surgeon sorted that week! When I saw the Gyn Consultant, he changed my mind and I decided to go forward with the oopherectomy and salpingotomy. My reasons are that it really is a silent killer and at this time there are no precautionary texts or investigations. He also reassure me about menopause and HRT. So, my surgery is booked for 13 Jan 2014. It's laparoscopic so I'll be in overnight and home the next day. I'm hoping to be back at work in 3 weeks post op. He said he will leave my Mirena coil in which will help and give me a low dose HRT patch. Finger crossed as forced menopause does scare me. I'm 43 for Christi sake! I broke down in the car park after the consultation. All of a sudden I thought, this is really happening to me! The Breast surgeon was also brilliant. But this time I took my close friend with me. This was to be my best move! He at least remembered to ask the questions I'd forgot and helped me when I drew a blank. I went for a mammogram straight after the appointment. Oh my gosh was that painful! Apparently because I'm not very well endowed it can be more uncomfortable. I was also referred to the plastic surgeon. My breast surgeon works with her rather than do reconstruction himself. He actually made the appointment there and then. So then on to the Plastic surgeon. Again a lovely person. She went through all the options for reconstruction. Again I took my friend. I told him my fears and questions beforehand again. Losing my nipples is a massive fear I have. She was brilliant. She went through the options for that too. Scarring another fear. She did explain that she's a surgeon and not a magician so she had to cut me. But, since I don't have any tumours to remove then scarring wouldn't be as bad. I'd looked on the internet previously for pictures and was basically a basket case afterwards, she gave me an information booklet but I also found the Macmillan one which is hugely informative. There is also a documentary which was supposed to be on iplayer called My no new Breast. But it's no longer available. She wants to see me again in January for another discussion and then we will decide whether to go with tissue expander implants or an LD flap reconstruction. I haven't decided, both have pros and cons. One good thing for me is that I don't have enough fat on my stomach for 2 boobs! I'm only a 36B as well. Battled with my weight for years and the year I lose weight is the time I could've used the belly! So, it's either my back or implants. Where am I now? Well the Plastic Surgeon was last week and I went down hill emotionally over the week and ended up on my knees on Friday evening terrified of everything involved. Now, I'm normally the calm one and a but of a control freak. Well not a bit of one, I am one. As I said before I don't cry. I have cried my own body weight in tears, probably because I'm losing control of my own life. Some will say I'm actually taking control which is true to a certain extent. I will not allow cancer to have the better odds than me. I am also body conscious. I'm no beauty queen but I try to look as good as I can. Scars on my body scare me. I never ever wanted a boob job, I didn't see why you would slice your body for vanity. I'm also scared of the menopause. I'm a 43 yr old with a 21 yr old mentality. I also got myself a new lease of life after my marriage failed and was just starting to gain confidence in myself. I have good days and bad days. I have 2 kids who have no knowledge of what I'm going through. I spend my energy being upbeat and normal for them. I deal with this when they go to their dads and they can't see me. I have no tumour. I have no illness. Yet, I cry, I worry and some days I'm pretty hard to be around. I feel incredibly stupid and selfish and the. I feel strong and in control. Emotional roller coaster can only partly describe it. Support? My mum is going through this too so I won't bother her, I spend my time telling her not to worry that I am fine. My 2 sisters are about to be tested so they'll be going through their own stuff. I have amazing friends who I've just told what's happening and they are being really good. Work are brilliant. Very supportive. So that's where I'm at now. Next appointment is in January after surgery so I'll update after Christmas. If your reading this and it in some way help you then I'm glad. Get in touch. Reading the group discussions helps me. And, writing this seems to help too. I hope to read this in a years time and have pulled myself up and be getting on with life living worry free.
