Since I last posted on here Toni has had 4 units of blood transfused as his HB was so low. This has given him some extra energy but he now has pitted odoema in his ankles on top of the swelling in his left leg from the DVT. So this has been getting him down.The nausea is now under control with 3mg of haloperidol every night on top of the cyclizine and his pain is managed so things are improving there.
He is low in spirits because of all this and said to me today that he feels he won't beat this and its robbing him of his life. I was stunned and speechless. What the hell can you say? And I hate that as we have always been able to talk and are very close. Luckily we went on to talk in depth about the whole illness and how its affected our lives but I felt lost for words at first. Cancer certainly puts a barrier between people.
Tomorrow his brother and girlfiend are coming to stay so this should pick him up and be good for me to as I have been feeling very isolated and very lonely this week. I realised I was feeling low and managed to buck myself up but it's not easy. All my daughters live over 100 miles away. My 2 close pals live similar distances away and my brothers are miles away too. My mum is local but she has mobility problems and I am working from home so feel truly alone sometimes.
But I am determined this won't get me down and that's why this site helps as I hear so many other people saying the same and we seem to help each other along. While no-one wants to be in our club it certainly helps to know others are in similar circumstances.
