moving forwards.... or trying!!

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

28 Jun 2010

its been 8 and a half weeks since my last chemo, and two and a half weeks since i found out i was in remission.

ive just been on a fantastic holiday, did sooo much, the weather was brilliant. which made the holiday 100%. it was nice to get away from home, and from everything ive been through, a sort of release.

because even though ive finished chemo, and im in remission, i still dont feel happy, i dont feel myself. i just dont feel the emma i used to be. everyones like, you can go out and party now, and live. ok, i want to, i want to be out there in the clubs and all that, but i just dont feel me to do it. everyone wud expect to much of me. i dont feel like i can. i think ive lost all my confidence and im not as bubbly as i used to be.

my holiday i just been on, it was quite up and down hilly, and i did alot of walking and loads of different things everyday, like going on speed boats and walks along the beach everyday and night. it really took it out of me, towards end of holiday i felt tired and worn out. it annoyed me because i remember how i used to be, how i could do anything and still have loads more energy in me. and it was an amazing holiday, just reminded me of what i was b4 and what i am now...

now im back off holiday i woke up this morning and thought, well what to do now?

ive not started back at work, because im still not sure about it. the place i worked in before i got cancer was horrible when i got diagnosed, and i popped in to say hello a few weeks ago, and all everyone was doing was bitching about one another, i dont need to go back to that, and i dont feel strong enough to have to go back to that. i think about finding a new job, but then, i just dont feel i have the confidence to go somewhere else, my hair is still short and even though its growing, its obvious whats happened to me. and if i went anywhere new to work then i dont want them to know about what ive been through because then im not moving forwards...

arghhhh what do i do... ???

when is the right time to go back to work, shall i just go back bcuz im bored of not being at work, or what???

il finish here because im confusedddddd!!!

FormerMember over 14 years ago

hey emzie ,im not in same position as you ,but i had lost my confidence after losing ju as you know ,and finding my new job was amazing it felt right and it will with you too, when the time is right you will know i did ,in the mean time take some time to build up your stength as you maybe in remmisision but it will take time , love jenni x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Em

I returned to work about 5 weeks ago after 11 months on sick leave. I finished chemo at the beginning of February. I must admit, I wasn't looking forward to going back to work as my job is stressful, but it hasn't been as bad as I expected. My boss and colleagues have been really good and have left me to find my feet again in my own time. I still have peripheral neuropathy in my hands and feet, but I don't feel too bad now. As everyone has said, you must listen to your own body and you will know when the time is right for you.

Take care

Angela xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

hi em ,

i know how you feel ... six months into remission for the secnd time and i still feel knackered out half the time.

cant walk far, cant do half the things i use to be able to do...

BUT, i am in remission just as your in remission....

yeeeeeees....

:-)

try not to think of the things you use to be able to do...BUT celebrate the things you can do...

it works for me......iv been getting about more then i did for 3 or 4 years.....thanks to a special person who takes me out....and we take my wheelchair with me so i can sit in it if need be....

of course we are all different em,

different cancers....different chemos and reactions to chemos.....some get back on there feet sooner then others..

dont be down on your self about the things you cant manage to do right now.....things will improve....

my advice would be ... just do what you want to do and think you can manage to do...

dont force yourself back to work until YOU feel up to it..

it can drive you mad at times cant it....thinkng what you use to do...but cant do now....YET ! :-)

have as good a day as possible everyday em...

youl feel fitter bit by bit..

xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Emz

I don't think you can expect to be the same person after what you've been through but that doesn't mean that in time you can't get out there and enjoy yourself again! You just need time to process what you been through mentally and get yourself right physically - don't rush things.

As for work, the worlds your oyster - go back to old job - take a new direction - the choice is yours - get out there and show them all!

Love Maxine
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi emzie!

Glad you got home safely but sorry to hear you're feeling down.

Just wanted to say that when I saw you for the first time last Tuesday, in the flesh, I thought you were a lovely looking girl with a wonderful personality and I'm sure that's how others will see you.

As I said at the time, it takes time to recover from what you've been through so don't expect too much of yourself. As you said yourself, it's only weeks since you finished treatment so it's very early days.

The place where you were working before is obviously not for you. It would bring back too many unhappy memories and they sound like a really miserable bunch. Steer clear of them.

Give yourself time to take stock of your life and decide what you really want to do on the workfront.

On the playfront, you are young and I'm sure you will regain your strength and zest for life eventually. Your body has been through a lot and it needs time to recover.

You're lovely emz and don't you forget it!

Lots of love,

Marjorie and John.

x x x x x x
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