moving forwards.... or trying!!

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

28 Jun 2010

its been 8 and a half weeks since my last chemo, and two and a half weeks since i found out i was in remission.

ive just been on a fantastic holiday, did sooo much, the weather was brilliant. which made the holiday 100%. it was nice to get away from home, and from everything ive been through, a sort of release.

because even though ive finished chemo, and im in remission, i still dont feel happy, i dont feel myself. i just dont feel the emma i used to be. everyones like, you can go out and party now, and live. ok, i want to, i want to be out there in the clubs and all that, but i just dont feel me to do it. everyone wud expect to much of me. i dont feel like i can. i think ive lost all my confidence and im not as bubbly as i used to be.

my holiday i just been on, it was quite up and down hilly, and i did alot of walking and loads of different things everyday, like going on speed boats and walks along the beach everyday and night. it really took it out of me, towards end of holiday i felt tired and worn out. it annoyed me because i remember how i used to be, how i could do anything and still have loads more energy in me. and it was an amazing holiday, just reminded me of what i was b4 and what i am now...

now im back off holiday i woke up this morning and thought, well what to do now?

ive not started back at work, because im still not sure about it. the place i worked in before i got cancer was horrible when i got diagnosed, and i popped in to say hello a few weeks ago, and all everyone was doing was bitching about one another, i dont need to go back to that, and i dont feel strong enough to have to go back to that. i think about finding a new job, but then, i just dont feel i have the confidence to go somewhere else, my hair is still short and even though its growing, its obvious whats happened to me. and if i went anywhere new to work then i dont want them to know about what ive been through because then im not moving forwards...

arghhhh what do i do... ???

when is the right time to go back to work, shall i just go back bcuz im bored of not being at work, or what???

il finish here because im confusedddddd!!!

FormerMember over 14 years ago

I hope someone who has been in a similar situation will send you a message. I've not been in your situation, but I would just advise taking it slowly, you've been through an awful lot and you need some time to recover both physically and emotionally. As for work - if they were that horrible, I'd stay away as long as possible! Just take your time, and you'll make the right decision. You sound an amazing lady - lots of love, Val X
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Em, I felt like you when I got the all clear. I still felt ill and scared and depressed. Now it is 4 months later and I feel almost back to normal.

Give yourself time to recover. Don't even contemplate going back to work until you are well and truly better.

Then you may decide that the devils you know may be best or else a new job.

You may not move forward completely because what has happened has happened and it is a part of your life now. We must never forget that we have been given a second chance, so we must make the most of our lives when and only when we are truly better.

Good Luck and take good care of yourself. Love Julie X
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Julie s got it in one Ems! It takes a long while to get over what u have been through! Give urself the time and space to get over it!, U will feel better and get ur confidence back as time goes on ! Enjoy the summer, then see how u feel , ! Wishing u the very best , Keep smiling ! xxxx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Ya Ems,

Glad you enjoyed your Holiday, but the old Em you are looking for didnt have Cancer or the treatments

that went with it so its time to let your Body tell you what to do. Not what you would like to do. Your body will tell you when you are ready to go back to work So just relax enjoy your holiday memories and

be patient. All the Best and Good Luck in your Remission.

Take care and be safe. Big Hugs Sarsfield.xxx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hiya em!

Listen to your body - if it tells you that your not feeling 100% then listen. Chemo is a horrid concoction and takes its toll on you, give your body the time to heal.

Life may never go back to the way it was before- experiances change you in life - see it as an exciting new start in life instead! Give yourself some time before thinking about work etc - your brain may well be in a better position then it is now!

Loads of hugs
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