So Wednesday 25th November my husband and I went to my hospital appointment and heard the news “you have breast cancer”.
It’s a huge cliche but you really do just have everything slow down in that moment. Thank heavens they are allowing partners or other supportive people with you for biopsy results, at least in this hospital. If my husband (from now on let’s call him S) had not been there I would not have asked half of the right questions or known what I needed to do to follow things up!
It’s still all a bit of a blur all the staff were amazing though, from the consultant to the cancer nurse, to the student doctor and the radiologist were all so attentive without being patronising and respective of the huge news we had just heard.
So I have cancer from then it’s been an absolute whirlwind of further screening and appointments to set up treatment plans (I plan to do a separate post about that and with specifics about my cancer) and S has been just wonderful never complaining or questioning just getting it done and making sure I’m still smiling and laughing through it all. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without him this week.
So if hearing you have cancer is not bad enough I hadn’t really been prepared for what telling family and friends was going to be like. Made more complicated by lockdown.
Having to tell loved ones over the phone or even by message has been heartbreaking knowing you are giving such horrible news that they can do absolutely nothing about. Then having such love and supportive messages back has been overwhelming. I’ve never been amazed at positive feedback and having so much in the past few days has been hard to take. So many people so confident I am so strong and will fight this no problem I just hope I can live up to that reputation.
The hardest conversation of course was to our boys. The youngest (H) is only 3 and so he doesn’t really understand he gets that mummy has a poorly booby and needs some medicine but can’t really grasp the severity of it. The oldest (T) is 6 and had more questions he was confused why the medicine is going to be making me poorly as that should make me better! But he’s so supportive and taking it all in and they are both already trying to help around the house and telling people that mummy has a lump called cancer and needs special medicine (not sure either can say chemotherapy properly yet!) I’m so proud of them!
Then there’s work, my boss was amazing and very supportive as is my company so I have no concerns but the question is when to tell everyone else? I haven’t yet and it’s an odd one. I don’t think I could take the sympathetic looks and gestures even over zoom just yet!
It’s only been four days since my diagnosis and already I feel like I’m so familiar with the words “I have cancer” as I’ve had to say it so much! I’m still not used to the overwhelming love and support from everyone who hears about it though and the offers of help. It truly is so heartwarming and I’m not sure I deserve it. Thank you to you all, especially for my family.
Best wishes to you all out there fighting and all your loved ones xxx
