This morning I had my pre-op assessment and COVID tests ahead of my operation on Wednesday, its all starting to get very real! The boys were dropped of with grandparents over the weekend (and are loving the excitement of it all, after all Grannies know best how to spoil small boys!), so it is just S and me at home for the next three days and suddenly our house feels very big! What did we even do before we had children!? Yes we are working in the days but late afternoons and mornings seem odd without the boys.
So I am just waiting for surgery now, no boys to distract me and so unfortunately my mind is left to wonder. I am not, thankfully, someone who is nervous about the surgery itself. I know that many people do get nervous about medical procedures, especial surgical ones and I am by no means belittling that. I am aware that as with any procedure there are of course things that can go wrong, but there are also things that can go wrong if you cross the road and worrying about them won't change the outcome. I know those who will be taking care of me are experts and I am in the safest of hands.
So if the procedure itself doesn't worry me what does? For me it is the questions which no one can answer, not yet anyway. How accurate was the MRI? Will I need to have further chemotherapy, if so to what extent? What will I look like post-surgery and how will that make me feel? How long will it take me to recover from the operation? Unfortunately all of these will only be answered after the op, and some not immediately, so I need to be patient and try not to second guess or worry about worst case scenarios. What will be will be. I have made it this far and as S says I WILL just get on with whatever is needed.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out and offered support so far in my journey it really does mean the world to me, I can't ever explain how having so many of you from all areas of my life supporting me in this helps me to stay strong and kick this cancer out!
In the meantime, as those who know me well will know I am not the best patient and so the thought of just recovering quietly at home post-op is not one I am relishing (though I know I must)! So to that end if anyone has any good book, Netflix or other recommendations please do throw them my way I am going to need them!
As ever take care everyone xx
