I don't know why I've decided to join. I am not sure if writing on here will help me in the slightest. But since finding out that mum has terminal cancer there seems to be schism between me and the rest of the world - who just don't get it.
And why would they? Watching the person that you love the most, suffer, lose hope and confront their own mortality - while you wait with them, helpless is not a place where anyone would want to be.
There's a surreal feeling of loss - one were you the know that person in front of you is mother - but she no longer looks, sounds or acts like your mother. Time goes really fast and really slowly both at the same time - quality time to spend with her is running out and yet something you did two days ago feels like a lifetime away. The guilt of not being with her every moment of every day - because you can see your friends and go out anytime in the future but you won't see her again - but at the same time feeling guilty about wanting your life back.
I am not sure if anyone gets the above - I suppose dealing with and having a loved one with cancer is personal and different for everyone but I thought some of this might resonate on here.
My mum currently has lost the taste in her mouth and was saying to me yesterday that if only she could find some kind of food that would taste good in her mouth she would be happy. If anyone has any suggestions it would be welcomed gratefully.
Lim x
