They make positive signs to hang on the walls at oncology about what cancer can’t take from you. The truth is it can take everything. I sincerely think the world has disconnected. At least I know my world has. Currently fighting active cancer fractures and holes in the bones. Last treatment caused serious side effects and recently turned down another chemotherapy option to try a targeted therapy. My mind body and energy have been in fight mode for months just trying to survive with cancer spreading. To add to my stress additional health issues are taking place. And my daughter in law decided to tell me my demeanor was weird I was weird and I said all the wrong things all the time. My entire existence has been loving and supporting my sons so that everything was okay when my time came. I love my family so much and I am being told I am terrible and have no love. I’m stage 4 breast Mets in the bones 8 years. She doesn’t recognize what living in pain for years does to the brain. What extreme exhaustion can do to forming clear responses or maybe if anyone checked to see what I needed ever, I might exude a healthier version of myself. Cancer has put me down and I am so sad at the lack of respect. No understanding, empathy or support. What cancer will take even if you have faith, prayer, meditation, healthy diet….Cancer has taken my energy, I am exhausted no matter the circumstances, my body, my mind, sometimes my mobility, sense of self, expressing myself clearly, loss of words and memories, a sense of security, finances, clarity, productivity and now it’s destroying my family because I am challenged with obstacles that appear to be misunderstood. My heart is so heavy.
I will continue to be the best imperfect version of me that I am while remembering what a badass I have been through this entire cancer battle and there have been many obstacles. I will pray about this situation and I won’t lose sight of God and my faith in Him.
