I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy 6 weeks ago, due to start my chemo on Monday but they say it may not work and are going to do 3 sessions and then do a ct scan and if it hasnt worked they wont do any more. This is making me feel so miserable as I so much want to have some more time with my little granddaughter who is 16 months old and a new baby that is due in 6 weeks time. I cant believe all this has happened when it should be the happiest time of my life as I am 64 years old and have longed for grandchildren for many years and thought I wasnt going to get any. I am dreading the chemo. as I have worked in a hospital for over 20 years and have dealt with many cancer patients but it is different when it is you that has to go through it. The thought of losing my lovely thick hair upsets me also and I know my husband is getting fed up with me keep crying but I dont seem to be able to stop now I know that the chances of my making any sort of recovery are small and the whole thing just breaks my heart when I think of my babies and my poor daughter who really needs my help at the moment and I feel so useless and she also cries and says she dosent know what she will do with out me.
I m sorry to be such a misery when I know there are so many brave peple out there but I feel that if the chemo isnt going to work why am I putting myself through it all.
Love to you all Ellen xx
Anonymous
Hi
Sorry to hear you are off colour today - the downs are not great I know.
I am 45 & have stage 3c ovarian diagnosed last september & like you had a radical hysterectomy in mid Jan -along with some abdominal reconstruction stuff -hey 2 ops for the price of 1 cant be bad.
I had 4 x pre-op chemo to shrink large abdominal tumours -so lost all my hair -then had a 3 month gap when it all came back nice & thick -just in time to restart 6 x post op chemo in February - when its all come out again.On the plus side -hair free legs for the summer!!
Its not fun, but its worth it & I trust my doctors to get me through. I dont worry about the lousy stats with this cancer -I have an aunt the same age as yourself , also medical background, who has been at advanced stage 3c with it for nearly 10 years with no reoccurrance & thats after having had advanced breast cancer for 28 years -but the good stuff never makes the stats!!
Its all about positive mindset as my nan used to say. I will be honest & say I have a lot to stay positive for -2 young children,a job I enjoy & a lovely dog,not forgetting the hubby -so I focus on that. I work full time in a managerial role which gives me routine/goals & keeps me busy. I make sure I enjoy every day even if its raining - could get run over by a bus tomorrow on the way to work!! Keep smiling & good luck -every day is worth it.
Big ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))). I felt exactly the same as you at this stage. My cancer was 1c but i have two primaries and one very aggressive- clear cell. I was warned the chemo might not work for the clear cell and secretly had myself six feet under from the start. There was also nodules on the bowel before chemo started, even after all the surgery. My husband found it quite hard to cope when I got upset or 'realistic' and I came on here to talk to people as the cancer made me feel isolated- despite a supportive family.
I also have a health background and tend to look on the upside normally, but found it hard to get out of the gloom. It wasn't until i started the chemo that i started to feel that I could look forward (just a bit!!!) as I met lots of ladies at chemo who have been living with this for years and stiIl enjoying life. I'm still here 9 mts after diagnosis with clear scans despite my doom predictions and the chemo wasn't too bad. Hair is now growing back- about 1" after three months and people can't resist patting me on the head! I also had a great foxy wig that got lots of good comments. Hang in there and enjoy every moment with your grandchildren (very jealous as have none yet).
Thank you for you encouraging words it hard to get your head around it all, especially when the oncologist was not very positive. I had my first chemo yesterday and it wasn t too bad but hardest thing for me is the my little grandaughter, my daughter is nearly 40 and expecting the 2nd one in a few weeks time, I want to do so much to help her but are not able to. I want to see them grow up but it all seems so hopeless. I am trying to be positive and when I was having chemo with the other people yesterday I felt better but today reality sets in again. I am not really a misery I am a get up and go person but I dont seem to be able to do that now. My mother-in-law in nearly 90 and has also relied on me a lot and is so upset by it all as she now has to have a homehelp to do the things I used to do for her, I used to think I would be soon going to her funeral but now I think she will come to mine.
i have been reading your story and am thinking about you. You are not being a misery you are only human and it is a very worrying time for all of you.
Wishing you the strength to get through this awful time. I was diagnosed with this disease 5 years ago and have just finished chemo again. I am feeling better and awaiting scan results which i know will be good. I too work in the hospital, and have for thirty years, but will not be going back to my job this time because it`s too much to cope with.
I am looking forward every day and hope that you can too.
Its difficult to think past the chemo but try to be good to yourself and nurture you because you cannot look after anyone else when you are frazzled.Is there anyone your husband can speak to? We have a Mc Millan nurse and she is great for listening to my and my husbands concerns. Is there anyone at the hospital you could speak to about your worries?? It might help to reassure you, or let you know that you are not alone throughout this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a big hug xx lyn
