feeling bad today

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I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy 6 weeks ago, due to start my chemo on Monday but they say it may not work and are going to do 3 sessions and then do a ct scan and if it hasnt worked they wont do any more. This is making me feel so miserable as I so much want to have some more time with my little granddaughter who is 16 months old and a new baby that is due in 6 weeks time. I cant believe all this has happened when it should be the happiest time of my life as I am 64 years old and have longed for grandchildren for many years and thought I wasnt going to get any. I am dreading the chemo. as I have worked in a hospital for over 20 years and have dealt with many cancer patients but it is different when it is you that has to go through it. The thought of losing my lovely thick hair upsets me also and I know my husband is getting fed up with me keep crying but I dont seem to be able to stop now I know that the chances of my making any sort of recovery are small and the whole thing just breaks my heart when I think of my babies and my poor daughter who really needs my help at the moment and I feel so useless and she also cries and says she dosent know what she will do with out me. I m sorry to be such a misery when I know there are so many brave peple out there but I feel that if the chemo isnt going to work why am I putting myself through it all. Love to you all Ellen xx
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