Emotions suddenly hit home

Emotions suddenly hit home My lovely wife Sue is doing well now she has got over a heavy cold, fortunately she was at her worst while I was in hospital but felt guilty not being at home to support her. My treatment has been increased yet again. Two lots of chemo last week (week commencing 15 October 2012)at even higher doses of Methotrexate through my brain etc followed 24 hours later by ARA-C another chemo that gets through the blood brain barrier into my spinal fluid and brain. They give me nasty headaches etc but at least meds control the nausea well so far. I got home late Friday then went back in on Tuesday for what was meant to a few hours for yet another chemo which is slow acting, but unfortunately I was technically dehydrated. I am in a large positive fluid balance of 10 litres or there abouts but it is not in the right place! It might be first sign that I might be getting kidney problems! Any way they kept me in overnight and pumped more fluids in so I got my chemo on Wednesday. They also did an ultra sound of my right leg ? DVT. which was thankfully ok just some phlebitis. I go back in again on Monday or two more dozes of my nasty chemo so expecting to be a bit whacked by the end of next week. Then it's MRI scan time to see if I am getting worse ( they won't be able to see if its improving ) that is the cunning nature of my cancer!! I think our poor old car could drive itself to hospital as we go so often. On a final note they are slightly worried I may be getting some brain swelling due to the chemo which would put an end to anymore increases that they have planned or for it to stop altogether. Sue has been asked to note any slight differences in my behaviour etc. I dare not think of the consequences of that. I am also moving from a state of denial into one of oh s**t! as I feel like I have been hit by a tsunami of emotion, I just break down in floods of tears at the slights thing over the last 4 days.. I new it was coming and I probably needed it to. Sue has been brilliant. We have been out for lunch and Tea today plus a very little beach walk for the dogs and have been able to talk alot -in between the tears. Sorry for such a long rant. Thanks for reading Magpie Mike x