Muddled Update - My head's all over the place!

2 minute read time.

First of all, thank you so much if you have sent me a PM.  It really means a lot and I do read them all, even if I don't reply.

John went into MacMillan again on Saturday morning after a terrible night of pain and having to wait for an hour for any relief from the twilight shift.  He asked to go in because he was so frightened of it happening again. 

He seemed to settle in OK but the next morning he was pleading to be allowed home again after trying to get out of bed and falling over.  I managed to calm him and persuade him to stay because we needed to get his symptoms under control. 

Then, the next day (Monday), I found him in a hell of a state because the man in the next bed had been trying to get into John's bed all night.  Not only that, the bay he was in was very noisy and in his agitated state, that was the last thing John needed. 

He was moved to another quieter bay and put onto diazepam to calm him which seemed to do the trick except that now, although much calmer and more painfree, he's terribly confused for most of the time. 

My daughter Nikki has offered to have us move in with her when he is discharged because she knows how difficult things are in the flat.  She has a big four bedroom house with a large dining room and a bathroom downstairs.  She says we can have the dining room and that John's visitors can still come and go.  As far as I'm concerned, it's an ideal solution and John is keen to go too.  I think it will do us both good to have people around us, especially in the evening when things really get on top of me and I feel so lonely with nobody to talk to.

The problem is that his daughter Jo is dead against it and I can't really understand why.  She's back at work now and things were better when she was around to help us but I'm virtually on my own now and everything is getting on top of me.  She has given some strange reasons for not wanting us to move, i.e. when he passes away she won't be able to drive past Nikki's house and remember her dad.  She also thinks it will be difficult to walk in and out like she does here although Nikki has assured her that it will be 'open house'.

Jo walked out of the MacMillan Unit today in tears and didn't come back but she texted to say she wasn't happy. 

What do you all think?  Am I doing the right thing?

Hope this all makes sense.

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Madge, I think you should do what is best for John - and if it means you have more support as well then it's a no-brainer in my books. I hope Jo will understand that you're trying to do what is best for her Dad, she's probably just lashing out as she  feels so helpless (and I know how that feels!). Love and strength to you all, and hugs, Val XXX

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Madge,

    I was going to PM you today to check if you were ok but now you've updated anyway! Jo is probably just upset and concerned and muddled, same as you. I know when my dad was ill I would get upset or fly off at the oddest of things, stuff that I would normally not have batted an eyelid at. She perhaps feels like Nikki is taking her place as the one helping you take care of her dad. It's not the case, I know, but she won't be thinking or behaving rationally because of the heightened emotions of the situation. Nikki having a chat to her sounds like a brilliant idea. Maybe she could have a key so that she can bob in and out as she pleases? That might set her mind at rest a bit. At the moment, the one whose wishes have to be at the top of the pile is John, it needs to be what he wants, as far as is possible and it'll be so much easier for you all with him on a ground floor, he can even sit out in the sunshine in a comfy chair or whatever. Ade, my dad, used to love sitting in his garden listening to the birds. And the neighbours kids shrieking at each other because it was the easter ruddy holidays. It'll help you out too and give you some company when John's asleep. To me it sounds like a brilliant idea and if Jo is handled carefully and sensitively and assured that her place with her dad isn't being altered, I'm sure she'll come round. Love to you all (including little Gemma!), Vikki xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thank you all SO much!  I am now convinced I am doing the right thing and I hope that Jo will come to realise this too.

    SATANAY - I have replied to your query via a Personal Message.  

    Love you all - gotta dash!

    Madge x x x x x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Madge, not around so much now but keep checking back on you and was worried you hadn't posted. The main thing is, it what John wants and will make life so much easier. Just know you are in my thoughts. xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Madge, I've just got back from Florida so I apologise if I repeat what someone has already said but I'm so tired I couldn't read all the replies you've received.  Firstly you are definitely doing the right thing as it has to be about John and what he wants.  Secondly, as you say his daughter has been fantastic and a real support to you and John.  Might it be that she feels as Johns daughter she should be taking you and John to her home but, perhaps, that's not possible and she feels guilty with all the emotions that go with that and her dad being so ill?  Your daughter has the big house with the space, perhaps Jo hasn't and is upset that she can't take you both in?  I'm sure she is just extremely emotonal as you are and given time she will see that this is the best way forward for her dad.  Your daughter is wonderful to do this for you both and I'm sure Jo appreciates that.  I'm sure she'll come round.  Sending you and John lots of love and hugs.  Caroline XX