Muddled Update - My head's all over the place!

2 minute read time.

First of all, thank you so much if you have sent me a PM.  It really means a lot and I do read them all, even if I don't reply.

John went into MacMillan again on Saturday morning after a terrible night of pain and having to wait for an hour for any relief from the twilight shift.  He asked to go in because he was so frightened of it happening again. 

He seemed to settle in OK but the next morning he was pleading to be allowed home again after trying to get out of bed and falling over.  I managed to calm him and persuade him to stay because we needed to get his symptoms under control. 

Then, the next day (Monday), I found him in a hell of a state because the man in the next bed had been trying to get into John's bed all night.  Not only that, the bay he was in was very noisy and in his agitated state, that was the last thing John needed. 

He was moved to another quieter bay and put onto diazepam to calm him which seemed to do the trick except that now, although much calmer and more painfree, he's terribly confused for most of the time. 

My daughter Nikki has offered to have us move in with her when he is discharged because she knows how difficult things are in the flat.  She has a big four bedroom house with a large dining room and a bathroom downstairs.  She says we can have the dining room and that John's visitors can still come and go.  As far as I'm concerned, it's an ideal solution and John is keen to go too.  I think it will do us both good to have people around us, especially in the evening when things really get on top of me and I feel so lonely with nobody to talk to.

The problem is that his daughter Jo is dead against it and I can't really understand why.  She's back at work now and things were better when she was around to help us but I'm virtually on my own now and everything is getting on top of me.  She has given some strange reasons for not wanting us to move, i.e. when he passes away she won't be able to drive past Nikki's house and remember her dad.  She also thinks it will be difficult to walk in and out like she does here although Nikki has assured her that it will be 'open house'.

Jo walked out of the MacMillan Unit today in tears and didn't come back but she texted to say she wasn't happy. 

What do you all think?  Am I doing the right thing?

Hope this all makes sense.

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I think you have answered your own question, Madge. Sounds perfect.... and so lovely for the grandkids too.

    Make sure you get a bit of looking after too.... you need and deserve it. Let them help a bit and you put your feet up a bit sometimes and have a chat with us with a cup of tea and a big bar of choccie

    Little My xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I agree with all the above, it is obvious you are both special to your daughter or she wouldn't have offered, Johns daughter should just be happy that the two of you will be more comfortable and put her own feelings aside. Good luck with the move and well done Madge for making the decision for you and John and not trying to please everyone...Take care x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I'm really glad you've made your decision - and that Macmillan are on the case getting things organised for you.

    I hope it's not too long before you'll be able to relax occasionally and you and John can spend some time in the garden getting some fresh air and sunshine!

    Take care, Ann x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    It is so difficult to go on with all those worries, It is great to be with others during this difficult time, i think Jo is scared from the idea of loss or death, and that itslef making the problem, I need to ask you a question, all those syptoms that John is having are thye from the chemotherapy, i mean what if he did not had a chemoptherapy will he still be sufferring, am thinking why do not they just let us go peacefully without the chemo as they know in the end we will go

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I agree with all the others Madge I think it will be far better for you and John to live with your daughter and family. I am sure Jo will come round when she really thinks about it and realises it is what her Dad wants. Our thoughts are with you both and hope you keep us posted as to how things go.

    Take care and chin up!!

    Love Lynxx