Family Problems :0(

1 minute read time.

As some of you know, John is in the MacMillan Unit receiving palliative care to get his pain and sickness symptoms under care.  He's been in for over a week now but will hopefully be coming out on Monday.

As if this isn't bad enough, I am having problems with his family.  We aren't married, although we have been together for a long time and own property together.  We also have Wills and Powers of Attorney in place.

I tell you this because his oldest daughter is questioning my right to be named as next of kin.  She thinks John'son should be named as his next of kin even though he hadn't visited in more than a year until John was in Bournemouth Hospital recently.  When he did come, he stormed out because his youngest daughter burst into tears when her dad was so ill.  He called her a drama queen and we haven't seen him since. 

The oldest daughter also keeps banging on about what his last wishes are and when his youngest daughter told her that he wants a woodland burial, she poo pooed that idea.  She thinks the Roman Catholic priest at the church she attends should come to visit him.  John is no longer a practising Roman Catholic, nor does he have any particular beliefs.  He has made it clear that he wants the woodland burial and that he wants us to be interred together. 

His youngest daughter has been an absolute star during the past couple of months.  She has asked for, and been granted, indefinite compassionate leave from work and comes to see him every day, bringing food and helping out every way she can.  His oldest daughter on the other hand has hardly been near him. 

I can't bear all this squabbling.  It's really getting me down trying to keep the peace and keep it from reaching John's ears.  He's so ill and so upset about not seeing his son too.

I and his youngest daughter have both tried texting his son to plead with him to visit but have not received a reply.  What more can we do?

Hope all this makes sense as I am so tired (again).  Would welcome your opinions and usual words of wisdom though.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hello Madge,

    Everyone deals with things differently and dealing with the terminal illness of a parent is something none of us really want to handle, and some of us can't.  Just know what you are doing is the best for John. Sending you lost of strength.

    Peanutx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Madge,

    I hope John Is comfortable and that you are ok.

    It is so hard i can see from his daughters point of view (kind of) My dad wanted things before and after he died and some of it....alot of it i didn't agree with ......but he had to be allowed his choices and as his daughter i had to respect those those choices. He gave up his life for me when my birth mom died when i was 2. He was my dad and what he wanted he got. His children will realise that but i just hope they do it before it is too late. You know Johns wishes and it is your job to see that his wishes are carried out. Yes you will have to pull rank and they won't like it but you and John have to come first now.

    I wish i could stand in front of his son and daughter and tell them as someone who has been there . A year on now for me and hindsight is a wonderful thing.

    You have been awfully strong for John so far and i know you can continue to do so but please look after yourself now, and enjoy your time with John.

    (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Get married, Madge. Ask him, get it done!!!!

    Its the best solution. We had a TERRIBLE time from John's Ex wife, 'fighting for her son' and John was only just diagnosed. She seemed desparate for him to die and get her hands on what she saw as John's things. Now his son is 17 and doesn't come near his Dad, no phone calls, nothing. We don't even have a number for him. Its horrible because John was a good Dad and I got on great with him. Just don't understand !!!!

    I truly understand what your going through Madge, but sometimes you have to make 'cold' decisions to make yourself feel whole. xxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Madge,

    I agree wholeheartedly with what  John has said. What goes around comes around. As John says you can open the door its their choice either walk through, or live with it for the rest of their lives.You have tried your best and you can do no more than that.

    Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hi madge

    familes often act in totally different way you expect them to when something like this happens. i really wish i could give you an answer but there is no easy one. i saw from your post that your john was at bournemouth hospital and now at the hospice. im guessing this is the christchurch mac unit.? my dad was there and they were amazing not just for him but for us all...maybe they could talk to the family?

    thinking of you all

    wendie x x