Friday 16th July 2010
Hi everyone and sorry I haven't been around much.
Truth is, even though we've had the most wonderful news possible about John's cancer, I've been feeling a bit down in the mouth.
So, we should be happy, right?
Well, John is very unhappy and I can't seem to drag him out of the doldrums. He simply won't believe what they've told him and thinks they've got it wrong. Not only that, he is suffering even worse side effects from the chemo this time around and going into great detail about every single symptom. Because of this he thinks they've given him too much chemo!
He hasn't left the house in over a week and just sits on the sofa dressed in three layers of clothes and huddled under a blanket. If he's not doing that, he's slumped over the dining room table.
I keep telling him he's on the homeward stretch, that he's so lucky to have had such good results, that it's only for another few weeks, but nothing will bring him out of himself. He won't come out with me and, though I hate to admit it, it's sometimes a relief to get away from him and take our little dog Gemma for a walk. She's tried her hardest to make him smile too but he just pushes her away.
Everything I cook for him tastes wrong (another side effect of the chemo), so I'm getting very disheartened about that too. I only get to see my friends one day a week at my writing class but he moans if I'm late home. I feel so trapped!
Pray God that, come September when the treatment is over, things will start to improve. I can't take this much longer.
OK, moan over. It has made me feel a bit better but I hope it hasn't made you feel depressed.
Marjorie x x x x x
