This is me

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

21 Aug 2011

Have decided a blog would be a good idea for me - have always liked writing - find it helps me say things I sometimes find difficult to say. Unashamedly admit to some plagerism in my blog name - tis the name of a book I have today been sent by my aunt - very good it is too.

So who am I ? Sometimes I dont know any more - the me that was me was left in a hospital consulting room three weeks ago and another me took over - I dont always like her.I am Lyn and I am 53 years old, I have three wonderful daughters and a grandaughter I adore and consider myself lucky indeed to have them - but have not always had luck on my side - daughter stillborn in 1987, lost my beloved brother and stepfather in 1991 when their trawler sank and my husband died very unexpectedly of a heart attack in 2004 whilst we were on holiday - no I dont buy lottery tickets !

Then two years ago after a disasterous relationship I met Nielsen - the most wonderful man you could imagine - my joy was complete when he proposed and we are set to marry August 18th next year. Then "the beast" arrived and life as we knew it ceased to exist. I cried till there were no more tears - how self-indulgent - what good could that do him - who professes the deepest hurt he feels is seeing me hurt ? So I stopped crying and started reading - not always helpful - statistics are a double edged sword - but as one wise soul on this site said to me - he is a statistic of one - ignore the rest and now thats what I do.

We are still somewhat in the limbo stage - had the CT results - looks to be a big tumour 8cms - and probably involves full thickness of the oesophagus - but no liver or lung involvement and no lymphadenopathy seen - so thats a good first step. The team are talking about chemo followed by surgery - if - and this is the big if - the PET scan, laparoscopy and EUA go well. Nielsen is convinced they will find more beasts but me - not so much. Our different way of dealing with things I guess. Anyway we will know soon enough - had the PET scan and hopefuly the other two proceedures next week.

My fear - my ultimate fear is of course losing him - and I try very hard not to contemplate that - but sometimes in the dead of night when sleep wont come -oh it is hard. But right here , right now - he lays warm and safe beside me and this is the moment I must live now - not waste a moment . This is turning into an autobigraphy rather than a blog so will stop now ! But it has been theraputic.

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Lyn,

Not the luckiest person in the world. But a very strong one, you would need to be after what all that you have been through. I hope your luck changes with Nielson, his

scans and his treatment. If I may say so your Blog was sincerely and beautifully written from the heart. It must have brought back a lot of pain from the past.

I can only wish you both all the best for the future.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx.

P.S. Keep in touch.
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
FormerMember over 13 years ago

hi lyn

you have my deepest sympathies, the situation you have found yourself in is as close to myself and my wife's as can be.

stay as strong as you can and you will find comfort in places you least expect, and take those scan results a step at a time.

our wishes and hopes go to you and nielson, and tell him from someone in the same boat, never give up hope or let the demons get the better of you.

stay happy positive and enjoy your family and friends around you, and remember there's always someone on here to talk with. joe x
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Lyn, I'm glad you found writing your blog therapeutic.

So sorry to hear of Nielsen's diagnosis. Try to stay as positive as possible, it does help.

I hope everything goes well for his treatment. I will keep an eye out to see how things are going.

Best wishes, Christine xx
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
FormerMember over 13 years ago

I blogged for over a year on my journey through cancer and it was great therapy for me - I managed to gain a following as well and my blog was avidly read around the country in pubs and hospices of all places. So what if it is autobiographical? Self indulgent? Why shouldn't it be? It's your after all and people will read it with interest and will comment and support. You seem to have got off to a cracking start with "the beast" if there can be one. Prognosis looks good. Don't read staistice - too right we are all sats of one. My onco told me he had done hunders if not thousands of me - the same tumour, the same treatment, same age etc. and he would not predict how I was going to proceed through treatment. Nielsen, with all due respect, needs a kick up the proverbial. Laughter is the best medicine and being positive is half the cure. Very best of luck

last, but not least - keep smiling

love

Drew

X
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel
FormerMember over 13 years ago

Thank you all for your comments - had a bit of shock on seeing them - when I wrote last night in my head I was just talking to myself (I know there are pills for that !) so was pulled up sharp to see I hadn't been :-) as always the support gained is tangible - thank you all.

L x
- Cancel
- Up 0 Down
- Reply
- More
- Cancel