loneliness of a carer

Hi Mangren,

Have you thought of joing the Carers group in the Community. If that dosent appeal to you. Is there anyone in the Family who could come round and give you abreak for a couple of hours so that you could get out and have some me time.  I do hope you manage something you sound as though you could do with a break.. All the best and good luck.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx

Mangren,

I'm in pretty much the same situation - I assume you have done the following:

1. Sorted the spice jars into alphabetical order (and thrown the "out of date" ones away)

2. Put tins in height order in the cupboards. (loads of times)

3. Sorted the medicine chest - which is now enormous.

4. Got really good at Solitaire on the computer (all variations)

5. Cleaned your make up bag and thrown out 5 year old mascaras

6. All you bras and pants are in colour order and all socks paired.

7. Polished all the shoes in the house.

8. Sorted your wardrobe.

9. Not sorted the photos - because it makes you sad.

10. Spend too much time on here or on the Internet looking for information?

etc...

I used to read alot but find I can't concentrate on anything "challenging" and "sex and shopping" novels make me want to shout and swear at their stupidity. 

I can't watch TV - mainly because there is always Football or Cars going round and round (keeps him happy - although he generally falls asleep - but that fine...) 

My mates try and "get me out" but they want to plan in advance - which is fair enough as they have families - but trying to explain to them that I just can't plan in advance as "something" always happens to put the kibosh on plans...

I've tried knitting (!) and tapestry (!!) - did about four stitches and then gave the lot to the Hospice...

Sorry, this isn't answering your question - just saying we are in the same boat - if someone has any ideas that would be great!

XX

Hi Mangren, I had to laugh at Jinty's post as I have done many of these. I think I am addicted to solitair on my ipad. Unfortunately my husband died recently but I do know how you feel. Our district nurses arranged carers once or twice a week so I could get out. The difficulty is then finding someone who is free and not at work. One friend sometimes met me for coffee somewhere straight from work. We only spent and hour together so I don't think it was much to ask her to come to me before going home. Others I had to meet at weekends. A couple of times I booked a massage or facial and went off on my own for some much needed relaxation. Even going out on my own was better than being home all the time. I felt guilty for leaving him but I always felt better when I got back and I'm sure he benifited from that. Yoko

Thank you all very much for your kind words.

Sarfield although I have seen an advert recently for a carers group in my area I cannot get to the meeting as I have no one to sit with my husband during the day.  These things always seem to occur in the daytime and never in the evening.   thanks for the suggestion and your kind thoughts.

Jinty - you have given me some ideas there - and it made me laugh especially about sorting the tins out :-)  My husband cannot watch the TV as his brain will not let him comprehend what is going on and he gets very aggitated so mine too is off most of the time.  I cannot settle down to too much on the computer as everytime I do start something its like an alarm clock and he calls me for some assistance.  I have always had bras and pants in colour order - must be sad!!!!.   Makeup bag is a good one - but that could then go on to sorting out all my old suits which I no longer need - I changed jobs just under 2 years ago from middle management and went back to administration - hated all the stress job had, good job given where I am today.  So out with the suits - just keep one for future interviews - heck no chuck them all and buy new when I need to.

Wendy - not sure what happened but just got a blank message from you - do write again would love to hear from you - hope you are ok.

Yoko - I have been following you and the others on the living with a terminally ill spouse,  I send my condolences and a big warm hug and love to you on your recent loss of your husband - sorry that I cannot remember his name, but I have a shocking memory at the moment.   I have managed to get out once for a couple of hours, but all the time could not relax as like you I felt really guilty of leaving him, he gets so upset when I am not with him and if he wakes and I am in another room he gets very aggitated and it takes me a while to settle him down, its got to the stage where the mac nurse organised tablets to help.  He hates taking tablets and its a real struggle to get them down him sometimes. 

Once big task which it now looks that I may need to do which will keep me busy for ages is working out and sorting out my downstairs living areas as the Doctor this morning was talking about moving a bed downstairs for him as he now struggles to get up stairs.

If any of us come up with any ideas of things to do purhaps we can share them - does not matter how weired or wonderful they sound it may be something one of us could do to pass time.

love and hugs to you all xxxx(((all))) xxxxx

Mandy