a brief history for those of you who dont know me... longer story on my profile...
dx breast cancer in june of 99....
happily oblivious that it had spread to my liver, and that tamoxifen had caused cancer in my uterus... told i had 3 to four months to live on st patricks day 2008, had 8 fec 100 finished in sept 08... scans show chemo shrunk tumours in liver and hysterectomy to remove uterus, no groth since i finished my chemo.
right now, my hair has grown to a decent length, my aches and pains have all but gone,i look well, and feel well, im sure people who dont know me think it was a storm in a teacup (ha ha)...
I personally sometimes wake up in the morning and for a brief time "forget" i am ill, i am even back at work (i own a hairdressing salon so i go in when i want) a few hours a week, clients at work rave about how good i look.. people i know are amazed how good i look....my family and friends cant believe how well i look and act.... my husband has come out of his long depression... and starting to act like i am going to live forever...my dx hit him like a train, as with the rest of my family and friends.....
my friends were over visiting me this week end and we had a fab girly weekend... at breakfast this morning happily chatting away, i mentioned my scan comming up on the 10th of this month.. .and my friends asked what happens after the scan and i told them hopefully they still havent grown so i dont have to have chemo again YET...... at that,one friend said , oh no... you have to have more chemo?... but they DID know that ! one of my friend then said "liz, sometimes i FORGET your ill...... which we all laughed at.... these are my best friends ... they have been to hell and back with me never faltering.
i love the fact that everyone around me "forgets" im ill.... i really do....my dilema is....
is it really a good thing???
i watched my loved ones fall to pieces when i was told..... it almost destroyed my hubby and my daughter.... made my sisters and brothers re assess their lives... my mum felt guilty cos she has survived and is now cancer free.....i believe most of them are kidding themselves that i will be ok.... this is not the case .... i am getting a lot longer than predicted and with the next chemo hopefully a lot longer , and i am the most optomistic person in the world.....
but i cant bear the idea of the whole shock thing again the hurt and pain in their eyes is forever in my memory.... i dont want to watch their eyes again.... it was worse than being told.....
so, your the only people i can ask..... is it a good thing to "forget" or face it every day.....
i vote for "forget" ha ha ha.... but i dont want to feel like going back to square one.....
can i have your opinion guys???
thanks liz xxx
