Well today seemed to go faster than I thought, but then my famous list of things to do helped as I made sure I had enough time to stop and eat but rest of day was full!
I was expecting a call today about his wedding ring, during his illness he lost weight ~ yes all be it in the strangest of ways e.g. his fingers got slimmer but because of the steriods he developed the 'moon face.' He sat there on the sofa and panic set in as he realised he had lost his ring, we retraced his steps from the previous day which was not hard, bathroom, kitchen, dining room and living room upstairs had been a no go area for some time as he couldn't manage the stairs safely. I turned the house upside down looking but no sign, went outside as we had been to the hospital for his radiotherapy but again no sign. After finally resigning ourselves to it turning up when we least expected it we sat watched the horse racing wrapped in each others arms.
A week after he died I had an appointment to see the fantastic pyschologist we had been visiting but as ever I had been awake most of the night. Instead of reliving our finally hours together I spent the night going through all the places to look for his wedding ring. I managed to hold out looking in the car until 7am as I didn't think the neighbours would appreciate all the door slamming etc. After frantically searching I collapsed in the passenger seat and felt a sudden sense of calm, as I decided I would chance it and ask at the hospital.
After the appointment I explained to the psychologist I needed to find someone to ask if a wedding ring had been handed in, as I stood at the desk waiting she came over and asked me to come to the nurses office ~ there I was told a ring had been handed in and the description matched that of my husbands ring. However as with everything that had happened during his illness things were not that simple, holidays, manager with key not in due to broken limb etc so I am still waiting to collect his ring, but I don't mind as I know where it is, and the sense of relief I felt still helps at times.
When I got home I squeezed the arm of his chair grinning as I said thank you to my love for helping me find his ring. I know to some that this might seem a little far fetched but to me I know that this proves that our love for each other was strong, and our bond unbroken.
Even though I know Wednedsays are going to be difficult for many months to come as I relive each moment from that awful time as he passed away I take comfort in moments like the wedding ring incident, they seem to settle my racing mind and give me peace for a while and make me realise that what I will always have is our love, memories, and devotion.
