Life after loss day 27

Hello again,

Thanks for your update. In a strange way you are helpig me - I'm having chemo for NSCLC, after surgery to remove the bottom lobe of my right lung. The cancer was discovered in March and was at a fairly early stage, but I still fear the little "rogue" cells that are floating around in my bloodstream ( I was told they found some after the op.)and I'm not exactly confident that it won't come back in another place.

What helps me about your posts is that I know my lovely partner of 16 years ( who incidentally has recently, and again, asked me to marry him - we got engaged in 2000 but never got round to tying the knot!) will fall apart if I go first. I need to think hard about how to make things easier for him if that happened. I don't know yet how on earth I can do that, but the love you and your husband shared - and still do - and your practical attitude and most of all your frankness, all help. I have already thought about filling the garden this autumn with loads of spring bulbs, because he knows I love the spring and they will give him a lift, I ope. A he loves gardening it might encourage him to keep "our little piece of England" as he calls it, well-tended even if he temporarily loses interest immediately after my demise. So, thanks again for your posts.

with love,

Annie

Hi I am glad that my words have been some comfort and help to you.

The things that have helped me is knowing that I did and I am still doing everthing my husband asked me to do. We had that difficult conversation ~ putting your affairs into order shortly after he was diagnosised with the secondary brain tumour as our biggest fear was that this tumour would affect his ability to express his wishes. With this in mind we wrote everything down during this conversation so that we could refer to it when I / we were not sure about anything. Even from the inital diagnosis of the lung cancer I had recorded every consulation and this helped us both as sometimes it was overwhelming when news, new diagnosis etc is given and all your want to do is switch off, put your fingers in your ears and yell 'lal blah blah la' so you can't hear the shattering truth of what is happening. I still have the 3 note books I kept and when I get into a fluster with the what ifs I can sit and look back at them and understand again what happened.

Your garden idea with the bulbs sounds fantastic perhaps you could develop a special place in the garden together where if the worst happens your husband could go to to feel especially closer to you ~ your special area where he can seek comfort and solace.

With love Louise x