Well I have been off work since end of October 2010 cared for my husband and lost him at the end of July. It seems to have been an epic journey full of emotions and now I am struggling to piece back my life slowly. Todays step was huge walking through the doors for the first day of a new term. There was awkward silence followed by hugs followed by tears followed by meetings followed by more tears. However I did manage to see the day through and feel a little bit of achievement at this small step.
There were times today when I used to phone or text that I found myself picking up the phone ready to write the text or ring, but had to stop myself and the stark reality hit once again that I had noone to share my achievements with, worries with or jokes with at the random remarks people had made. Then on the way ome I realised again that the house would be empty when I got back as my son was enrolling at college and my daughter was with my parents. Thankfully by the time I had got back my mum and daughter were back at our house and were busy making me a drink in the hope I wouldn't be late! It was a relief to have them there when I walked through the front door.
As I shared the events of the day it just didn't feel the same, I kept expecting the little remarks or jokes he would have made about our days events, but my words just hung in the air. But as I sit here now dreading the next day I still feel a little sense of achievement and I'm trying not to loose sight of this.
With love to all on this site x
