Art work ~ spent the day working on art pieces something I have not done for years, it was a calm day collecting my thoughts in some rather expressive pieces. I had forgotten how relaxing it can be to put your thoughts on paper without the need to say to people this is this because.The guilt crept in a few hours later though as I had pushed aside my grief and expressed myself no holes barred and escaped into my own private little world.
Spiders ~ my son has just come downstairs and asked me to get rid of the largest spider known to mankind. Normally I would have fluttered my eyes at my husband and he would have giggled knowing that there was no way I was going to venture upstairs with sidney the spider wandering around. But he is not here so I had to go and deal with it on the agreement that my son made a large cuppa for my return. With new argos catalogue in hand for the squashing of offending spider and pj trousers tucked into a pair of boots I trudge upstairs and deal with the beasty!! It is these little things that make me realise just how much we did together and how well we knew each other, oh and how much my heart still aches for him.
Lonely ~ Normally after a creative time I would come home and show off my paintings and listen to him hmm and arhh over how he liked them or thought that the colours worked well. He was the only person I have evr explained my paintings too, he would listen and sometimes pretend to understand, but I didn't mind because I knew he would later say I will never understand why an artist makes things so complicated for people to read a painting when they are so beautiful to look at, just like you. So even though I enjoyed the painting it made me lonely that the hours of escape couldn't then be shared with my best critic.
Bathroom ~ This week has been spend having a new bathroom fitted. It was our plan for this summer but it took me weeks to make a choice over a bathroom and then had to wait for a family friend to fit it. Now it is all fitted just waiting for the plaster to dry before I paint the little bit of untiled wall. It looks beautiful, we had brought the just after he finished chemo in March and as his illnes rapidly progressed they just sat piled in the dining room gathering dust. It breaks my heart hes not here to see how fantatic it looks, see the flooring I selected, sit in the new bath use the new shower. Although it is amazing to have running cold water without having to use a screwdriver to switch on the taps in bathroom and watch as little droplets fallout taking over an hour to fill the bath, but it is difficult to enjoy this luxury when you can not share it with the person you love.
