Phase 4 of my treatment - the and into the 2nd year.

Well I sdtarted my first of 12 planned cycles of folfox yesterday and all went well apart from the fact that I have lost my mobile - probably at the chemo suite they are looking for it.My husband came to collect me as we live a long way from the hospital and he had to queue 30 mins for the car park and still couldn't get in so he phoned me.The parking for the hospital is really bad and makes the visit really drag out but the staff on the chemo suite are lovely so it balances out I suppose.

Had a few strange side effects but nothing I couldn't handle so I feel relaxed about it now. The worst thimg is trying to sleep.I have to sleep with my arm on a pillow as I have the pump strapped to my left arm for the next 48 hours and then still have to be careful of my right side where the temp ileostomy is. This is compounded by the fact that I feel very twitchy and unable to keep my legs rested - probably caused by the steroids that I am taking. So I have not had much sleep and have now been up a couple of hours.Probably moaning a bit I know but as all this has been going on for over a year it does feel as though I just get used to one set of problems, recover from them and face more hurdles to overcome. I feel deep down that this is a small price to pay in the long run and am so lucky that I was diagnosed stage 4 but am able to be treated with curative intent and am going for it!

I am starting to worry now about our financial security as the sick pay has run out and with my husband retired for a year I am the principal wage earner. I feel so guilty for not being able to provide for us and also fulfill my role at work - but what can I do. I might beat this disease eventually but financially we will be in a dark place - it doesn't bear thinking about. We will see our Macmillan Benefits advisor who is very nice but I suspect he is fairly new and I don't feel that he is taking charge of our situation and doesn't give me confidence That is in no way a critisiscm of Macmillan as they do a marvellous job and I am so grateful for all that they do - I want give something back when I am in a position to do so.

Didn't mean for this to be such a gloomy post - I think it's because I feel tired - sorry all.

Looking forward to tomorrow (later today I mean),things always seem better in daylight - hope we see a bit of sun.

Love ta all

Cathie xx