You have not heard from me to date but I have been coming in to Mac land since the end of last year. Thus far I have coped with my diagnosis last October (Bowel Cancer) chemo radiation (november 09 to Jan 10),anterior resection,hysterectomy and illeostomy (March of this year) and weeks of waiting and tests to be told that I can have a laporoscopic liver resection next week.
I should feel lucky that all has gone well and my recovery has been really good and I do but BUT - I now feel that because of how things have been going so far I should feel that this next part of my treatment is relatively straight forward and I will get through it easily. I think that those near to me feel used to the fact that I have Cancer and because I look so well and have been positive and upbeat I think they forget how serious this thing that I am dealing with is. It is not that I want attention but I do feel alone and mostly scared.
It is hard to put into words what I feel as I still feel in many ways that I am witnessing someone else's struggle and not my own.My family have been very supportive and my husband is very loving but my parents are elderly (86) and I suppose it is hard for my three sons who I try to protect and worry about constantly - the point is I must stay strong for everyone - but I need to crumble somewhere.
I'm not making myself very clear in fact I'm not entirely sure what I am trying to say except I feel very lonely and vulnerable right now. can anyone out htere relate to this?
