Kezzerbird....a letter to myself!!!!!!

1 minute read time.

What do you think you are playing at woman, sitting there all hunched up and being stupid eh? You are the first one to go one about kicking arse and giving cancer a run for its money, so don't you think it is time that you got off your bum and started kicking back?

I am trying to, it just doesn't seem to be working

You call that trying, yeah right, I don't. Look at yourself. Take yesterday, your grand daughter wanted to come upstairs and see you, she was in tears and what were you doing eh, lying there with you head in a sick bowl looking pathetic, all the child wanted to do was cuddle you and tell you how much she loves you and you couldn't even do that much for her. Come on Carol, you are stronger than that, you know you are

Some times I just don't want to be strong, have you ever thought of that, I am feeling like I did the first time round, the fight seem to have gone and I don't know how to get it back

What do you mean, the fight is gone. That is crap and you know it lady. Look at all those people you have lost because of cancer. Remember Louise, your best friend, she was only 10 when when she died, you carried her on your back when she became very ill that day, you walked 3 miles to get her home to her parents, on you back for heavens sake, you were only 12 yourself. Don't you think you owe it to Louise to keep fighting. You know that going through this isn't easy, you have been there and done it, so stop talking crap and pick yourself up and get on with it. You could just have an infection brewing which will knock you for six, you know that, you see your Mac nurse tomorrow, so get it sorted girl. I don't want to hear 'I can't' anymore, because I know you can and you will do this xx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear, dear Carol - give yourself a break - no-one can be upbeat & in a fighting mood every day so give yourself a day off and have a well deserved rest. Then tomorrow you will have renewed energy & can kick your own butt and everyone elses with more strength! You haven't surrendered - you are just having a ceasefire to rally re-inforcements so you can beat the hell out of the enemy!

    All my love & strength goes to you today, love Angie xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey Carol,

    Sometimes we just need to lick our wounds for a while. Nothing to be done - just have to go with it...

    Sounds to me, from your letter,  that you're already on the way back up - slower than you'd like - but up all the same. Hang in there,love, and give that grand daughter a hug between vomits!

    Sending my little bit of love and fight your way - between us all, we should have your back covered,lol lots of love kxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Kezzerbabe,

    There are times when we need to reflect what we have done and also on things that we ought not to have undone. Told you before. Shit disease. Shit cure. Take the good days with the bad 'uns. It's fine to be a bit girly now and again. Just don't let it take over. You might be a bit down but certainly not out. When you are ready, and not before, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. There was an old man who I used to drink with and when he was asked how he was used to say "struggling!" His view was it was when you stopped struggling was the time to meet your maker. Just do it. When you have got the likes of us behind you you can move mountains and even put them down mouseholes!

    Keep smiling (anti-peristalsis allowing)

    love

    Drew

    X

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Even the Kesserbird needs a break sometimes. I can hear the fight in your voice it is still inside you but just as Angie T said you are rallying reinforcements, you will soon be on top form again. Take good care of yourself our dear friend. Lots of Love and gentle hugs Julie X

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Carol, why not ring your Mac nurse today and have a rant about your emotions.  You never know, miracles do happen sometimes.  At the moment, yes you are on the floor girl, but just go with it, do what you want today, whatever feels as good as it can and think about today, not tomorrow.  Oh, and don't forget to ring that nurse and tell her everything.  You're not superwoman you know but you are special woman who needs down time to reflect and lick your wounds - hug yourself bird.  Ann xx