Feeling really low tonight. My partner due to go back into hospital tomorrow ready for another operation on Monday. He had radical surgery in April for head and neck cancer. He had a 13 hour operation then and was in intensive care for a few days. He has really worked hard at getting better since then, although he still cant open his jaw and is unable to eat. He has done really well with his speech and has adapted to the "stiff shoulder". Alas the cancer is back on the other side now, and is going back in to have that removed. Remembering all he went through last time, it is a very scary time for us all. He is acting all "cool" about it. ( more for my benefit i believe ). The surgeon is hopefully going to have a look to see why he cant open his jaw whilst he is under . I so hope they can do something about it. That is his major issue, he doesnt see the point in having more surgery if he will never be able to open his mouth again.
I feel so frightened for him, and if i am being honest, for myself as well. I feel so guilty as i cant do anything for him, apart from keeping his spirits up. If he saw me as i am tonight he would be devastated, hence thats why i keep it bottled up until he is in bed. Sorry everyone, i sound like a right wingeing moo. Just needed to let it out so i dont end up in floods of tears. Hopefully my next blog will be a little more light hearted.
Take care all of you out there xxxxx
