Done know where to start.. dont even know if this is an appropriate place to write and i apologise if it isnt but i need somewhere other than facebook or similiar to vent, to offload my thoughts.. somewhere there is a good chance someone will understand ...
My beloved Nanna has bowel cancerl that has spread all round her abdomen we dont know exactly where or how far advanced it is as she has declined any tests or treatment so we have no idea what to expect... she is slowly fading away infront of us but still insists she just needs to build her strength up and then she will be fine.. i dont know if she believes that or is just saying that to try and cheer us all up. she is needing 24 hour care which the family is providing but its taking its toll on everyone.. she has lost control of her bowels now and is devastated every time she has an accident.. i dont mind cleaning her up but she is so ashamed that her grandaughter is having to do it.. what can i say? what can i do? how do i deal with everything... i cant.. i am going under and dont know who to turn to.. my family is all struggling also so there is no one to turn to there.. i try and stay strong infront of my son and husband so i dont upset them but i dont know how much longer i can.. as much as i love spending time with Nanna i hate it also.. i dread when its my turn to stay the night or even the day cos what if she passes away whilst i am there.. what then.. i couldnt cope with that...
i am sorry for rambling i hope no one minds and if this is n the wrong place please delete it with my apologies..
