wrung out

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

23 Sep 2009

Well i had my appointment with Maggie's center in Edinburgh today and to be honest I'm wrung out,sick of hearing my own voice and cant wait till everyones asleep so i dint have to talk to anyone...terrible eh??

I now have myself booked on a 6 week stress management and anxiety course which I'm hoping will help as I'm such bloody wreck at the moment and have an appointment with a specialist psychologist who deals with cancer patients.....god wait till she hears the broken biscuits in my head!

After getting that sorted i spoke to Maggie's centers benefits adviser who recommended i put in a claim for DLA,i wasn't sure about doing this as i didn't think i was ill enough,but after going through my history for the last 8 years and the problems I'm having just now with anxiety,fatigue,stress,pain etc she did all the paperwork for me which is a load of my mind,if i dint get anyting i dint but i realize sickness and disability comes in all shapes and forms and I'm dealing with the effects of illness in all aspects of my life and the moment.

I felt really depressed when i left as it made me look at all the bad things going on in my life with my health and i realized that somewhere long ago my health was as good as it was going to get but i didn't realize that at the time.Weird hu.I spoke to her about my bladder problems and the fact that cant do family days out because of incontinence and tiredness and that i cant be a normal mum and that ive missed out on so much of my kids lives. I go everywhere with someone and Billy was there with me today while i was talking to the advisor and i then felt withdrawn from him as i really do wonder at times why he loves me and what the hell he see's in me,i do try and be grateful for the things i have,my kids,my house,Billy and the fact my brother loved me so much he gave me a kidney but sometimes when i look to my future its so hard,i know my lifeis always going to be about my health and i worry about the effect it has on the kids in later years.

Anyway,im fed up talking about me,so ill go and read some blogs and see if i cheer up xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Leigh I wish I could just reach out and give you a big old hug. Made me feel quite bad for having been worrying about a silly old bloodtest after the day you've had. What was that about perspective yesterday!!!!!

I hope you are just having one of those days today and after a goodnights sleep......tomorrow won't seem so bad.

Love & strength

Debs xx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

oh sweetheart - course they love you and want to keep you with themforever (truthfully now if the tables were turned and it was billy not you ... you still love n cherish him ? i am right! knew it!)

i do think when you have the dreaded forms to fill in it all looks pretty crap down on paper ,,,,, but once theyre in done n dusted ,,,,,,,, get whatever you can to make life easier

hey dont know about blogs cheering you up hun .... bet you end up trying to cheer someone else up

smothering you in a great big hug

xNx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

hi hope you r feelin better that maggies centre sounds great

its suzywong by the way just got on the new site xx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Leigh you sound like you really went through the mill today! Boy oh boy have I been there, it does get easier though promise! You've made the right move in booking the course and seeing a psychologist really helped me in understanding how I felt and that what I was feeling was normal. You're not losing your mind, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilt over you didn't ask to get cancer.

I got to a point where I couldn't even leave the house and thought this is so stupid and irrational but it didn't stop it happening, that's when I decided to ask for help and it really put things into perspective and gave me my confidence back. I'm sure you'll get yourself back on track.

One thing I still have trouble with is accepting physical help but even then there will come a time when I will need to and I have to adjust to that.

Looking back into the past is not such a good idea we all do it and I've found trying to do it less is a good thing. I try now to take one day at a time and live for the moment not looking back or forward too much.

Hope tomorrows a better day for you.

Jackie
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

thank you all so much for your comments and advice.....at least im not going looney alone!! x
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