Well i had my appointment with Maggie's center in Edinburgh today and to be honest I'm wrung out,sick of hearing my own voice and cant wait till everyones asleep so i dint have to talk to anyone...terrible eh??
I now have myself booked on a 6 week stress management and anxiety course which I'm hoping will help as I'm such bloody wreck at the moment and have an appointment with a specialist psychologist who deals with cancer patients.....god wait till she hears the broken biscuits in my head!
After getting that sorted i spoke to Maggie's centers benefits adviser who recommended i put in a claim for DLA,i wasn't sure about doing this as i didn't think i was ill enough,but after going through my history for the last 8 years and the problems I'm having just now with anxiety,fatigue,stress,pain etc she did all the paperwork for me which is a load of my mind,if i dint get anyting i dint but i realize sickness and disability comes in all shapes and forms and I'm dealing with the effects of illness in all aspects of my life and the moment.
I felt really depressed when i left as it made me look at all the bad things going on in my life with my health and i realized that somewhere long ago my health was as good as it was going to get but i didn't realize that at the time.Weird hu.I spoke to her about my bladder problems and the fact that cant do family days out because of incontinence and tiredness and that i cant be a normal mum and that ive missed out on so much of my kids lives. I go everywhere with someone and Billy was there with me today while i was talking to the advisor and i then felt withdrawn from him as i really do wonder at times why he loves me and what the hell he see's in me,i do try and be grateful for the things i have,my kids,my house,Billy and the fact my brother loved me so much he gave me a kidney but sometimes when i look to my future its so hard,i know my lifeis always going to be about my health and i worry about the effect it has on the kids in later years.
Anyway,im fed up talking about me,so ill go and read some blogs and see if i cheer up xx
