Well i knew the calm wouldnt last long in my house...it never does! Had a quiet Friday and mistakenly thought all my kids were ok an dealing with this until my 18yr old son brought his 13yr old sister home last night absolutely legless. He had found her in his friends house,she is friends with the younger brother, and knew straight away she was drunk so he took her to the local garage to get juice to try sober her up before she saw me but on the way home fell and ripped her trousers started crying and didnt stop till about 1am.
She said she wanted to get drunk to tell me how she really feels about all this and that she really really loves me and her stepdad,that he own dad is doing her head in just now,that she is scared im dying,she feels her friends are ignoring her since she told them i had cancer and she was angry at me for not wanting her to come into the hospital the first day after my surgery (it was only to protect her and her wee brother)She also said she had read a wee bit of my blog when i answered the phone and wants to know why i called he the difficult daughter. After mopping up her sick and mine and her tears i tried to get her to bed prommising a chat in the morning when she was sober,i then cried myself to sleep,mainly because im so annoyed at myself for not realising how she felt and for the feelings of fear i have for my kids,i do not want to leave them ever.I texted her friend late last night asking them just to try spening a little time with her as she is having a hard time just now and i phoned one of her friends mum who has beaten cancer (unfortunatly her husband didnt and died 5 years ago) and asked her for advice and she suggested taking her to Maggies centre in Edinburgh for help, and to send her round to hers for a wee chat soon.
Everyone is so kind and caring but i tried to tell her i cant help if she isnt talking to me half the time.
Anyway woken up this morning with puffy eyes,sore arm ( i have a small blockage there as well) heavy heart and the desire to take my kids and wrap them in a duvet and stay with them like that forever.
FormerMember
Hello chic.....................I have been in the same position that your daughter is in now but it was many years ago and I am a cancer patient now myself but luckily for me my kids are all adults with kids of their own. My dad who was my best friend was diagnosed with lung cancer and back in the early 70's there was no help or support and the idea was not to tell the kids what was going on to protect them. I had to help my mum nurse my dad at home and did and saw things that a child shouldn't have to without knowing what was going on, my dad dying just never entered my head, so when he did die I never had the chance to tell him all the things I should have.
I feel that your daughter needs to know what is going on with you each step of the way and you are trying to protect your kids has we all do, but just be honest and talk, cry what ever it takes my lovely. I haven't looked at your profile so I don't know what position you are in, but to a child cancer means death and it isn't always the case, tell her about your treatment, it will make you guys stronger and yes she is angry, she loves you.
I know I felt guilty for having cancer and to what it was doing to those around me, but don't, you didn't ask for this, none of us do my sweet.
If your daughter wants to talk to me send me a private message, I know it was a long time ago that I was a kid but I know how she feels.
Im so sorry to hear about your health now and your awful time with your own father. After last night i am going to have to stop being so wrapped up in myself and help my children through this and learn to talk.....as BT said its good to talk
Its hard when it comes to our kids cos our instinct is to protect them from all the "bad" stuff going on around them. My advice would be to be as open and honest with your daughter about your illness as you can. I took my daughter ( who was 16 at the time) to a couple of hospital appointments- she asked if she could come. My daughter does not like hospitals so this was a big thing for her. However I think seeing what happened helped. It took away some of the fear of the unknown and her mind wasnt working overtime imagining what was going on.I also think she felt she was supporting me on these visits - which she was.
When I spoke to my daughter for the first time about my dx I explained I was facing good days and bad days and that there would be times when I would need an extra cuddle or just a good cry. Dont be afraid to show how upset you are in front of her I think it shows you are human and that it is ok for her to have a cry too. Everyone needs this emotional outlet.
Remember you are helping your daughter learn how to cope with the real world where not everything is perfect unfortunately. Like you I always wanted to protect my daughter but over the years have learned that she has to grow up and face the unpleasant side of life as well as the good. Support one another, you will get through it. All my best to you and your family , Jules x
Hi Leigh, this is a really familiar story. My son was 14 when I was dx. He was normally a very quiet, well behaved boy. I started getting reports from school that he was being disruptive etc. I phoned his guidance teacher and explained the situation regarding my health. Obviously the school had been unaware of this and he said he would speak to my son and be a bit more lenient on him if he played up. He suggested that I take my son to hospital with me whilst having chemo to allay some of his fear of the unknown.
After speaking to his teacher that day, he bounced in from school and said, "so what's this cancer thing about anyway?" which provided me with an opening to discuss things with him. I did take him with me for treatment and I think once he saw things for himself he was a bit more relaxed and he did calm down again.
I'm not saying this is necessarily going to be the case with your daughter, as I also have a daughter, now aged 22 who was drinking from about 13 and has never stopped lol. But, as much as we all feel the need to protect our children, I think children need to be kept informed, as the imagination runs riot. I hope this helps a little. Best wishes, Christine xx
Hi Leigh, have just been writing in my own blog how hard it is to try and support your children through this. I suggested to my daughter (who is 18) to join this site as there may be other people in the same situation as her. Or have been in that situation. I think it has helped her to some degree, but she struggles to deal with her emotions at the best of times.
I hope your daughters friends support her as much as they can and she becomes stronger and more able to cope with what life throws at her.
