Good day all,hope your all well and unlike us here in Scotland have a little sunshine left. Our summer is defo over,well im not sure it ever started but anyway,the garden furnature went back in the hut today,a sure bad sad sign that the nights are drawing in (love that expression) that it wont be long till all the ads for christmas start showing and you want to make soup! I feel safer in winter,i can hide my scars under long loose winter clothing without being asked if im too hot ect all the time. i can wear trousers and boots and scarves and not have to worry about showing my torso,daft i know,i should be glad to be alive but all this has really taken its toll on my body and too be honest im disgusting.Anyway,im loved by my family the way i am so thats a good thing.
I feel a little sore today but thats maybe because i had to reduce my painkillers as i messed up yesterday and think i almost overdosed on them,i seemed to take something every two hours instead of four and got mixed up with doses ect so trying to lay off them a little today.Had a shower as Billy ex boss said him and wife were coming for coffee,but didnt turn up,had even managed to get a glean pair of joggies on but had to chance them to pj bottoms as it hurts! Still cant get a bra on as i have staples just underneith a boob and have managed to pull one out already. I thought today i would have the urge to leave the house but i certainly dont,and im not rushing into it.
I know ive had surgery to remove the kidney with the tumour and have still got the other one to go so does that mean im officially cancer free now or do i need more tests ect to be able to tell? I am confused!
I also wonder about all those who have cancers that are cured,are they at risk of developing cancer again more than others?
Anyway,feel like cooking tonight,so away to do a spag bol,much love to everyone
Leigh xx
FormerMember
Leigh your blog has really struck a chord with me.....body image.........I am vain, I openly admit it - I think working in London during the "yuppie" times of the late 80's.....all that money and fast cars, big hair and shoulder pads and a ton of makeup has left a bit of an impression on me.
I now realise I will die UGLY......bloated, with patchy hair and more scars on my head....unrecognisable and thats how my kids and husband will remember me........the bride of frankenstein. I think you look gorgeous in your photo's, me.....notice how the shot is taken from above, to minimise "chinnage" ;) I wouldn't dare put one of me now post steroids on!!!!!!!!
I seem to look OKish in my mirrors, but when I am out.......geez who is that fat little dumpling I see?!!!!!!!!!! If I am honest, its one of the reasons I didn't go to Banstead...I was quietly happy to know that hubby was busy and couldn't chauffeur me. Not that I think anyone on here is that shallow to judge by appearance......the good thing is that we kind of get to know each other without faces...through the written word. Cancer won't beat me, but my goodness its battered my self-image and self-confidence. I am sick of wearing a hat to go and clear up dog poop outta my garden or hang out laundry....or just everytime I answer the door!!!!!
Wow my goodness what a moan that turned into LMAO
Back to you lol.........be careful Leigh, pulling a staple out already - ouchie wah wah!!!!!! Dinner sounds fab, I have recovered enough today to have a roast on the go.
Will go now and let everyone leave slightly more uplifting messages.......don't get me wrong I dont sit around thinking "woe is me"......just glad I am not the only one to hate the battle scars!
Here's to your continued recovery - toasted with a slurp of 7 Up :)
Perhaps we could compare battle scars if the 'day out' is organised.....................award points for length, number of scars etc. The main thing is, is that you are beautiful as a person and that's how people will remember you.......................now where's that sick bucket (only joking).
Hi Leigh, So sorry to hear of your surgery and most of us know what its like waiting for staples to be removed.
Like me being in scotland the B weather puts a downer on you lol, never mind the ops.
About recurring cancers Ive had it recurring in bowel 3 times and twice in bladder, The fact is , Im certain they never get all the cancer and leave a tiny bit in which recurs.
Thats just me I would hope its different with you and that they manage to clearyou of all cancer.
I certainly wish you the very best and offer my support all the way.
... you are home and doing well (staples not whithstanding)! ;-)
About the "cured " cancer stuff. A and I had a long chat with his consultant when we had results Friday this week. He had a grade 4 tumour which was very aggressive, and while it had not spread to the lymph nodes (good news), cancer cells are devious little buggers - it was explained to us that they send out little seeker cells here and there over the body, which can look for somewhere nice to call home ... these cells can in some people reactivate - either coming back near the original site (so in A in his abdomen) or if they prefer the view somewhere else can set up camp in either your liver, bones, lungs or brain (these are the main site risks with bladder cancer). However, they don't always ...... and the doctors just don't know if you will be lucky or not .. so it is a wait and see deal. Statistically, the longer you are cancer free the less chance of recurrence ... although that isn't always true of everyone either. Sigh! Basically, the thing is, they just don't know!! So, we have decided to live BIG whether we have a year or 50 years together. I think that is the best you can do ..... and as you see time and time again on here a positive mental attitude will take you a long way!! ;-)
Good to see you sounding so 'up' despite your sore bits (and that staple sounds nasty!) - hope it eases off soon. I like winter as well! My mirrors are the same, Debs - couldn't believe what was staring back at me in M&S the other day :O !! Wonder if I'm getting more steroids this week?!? I've actually been fine with losing the hair - it really hasn't bothered me like I thought it might. But maybe it's because I live out in the sticks and haven't got loads of neighbours. I can't go out without 'getting ready' tho...But, like you both, my family love me just the way I am (think they'd prefer me not to be ill mind - the divvying up of the jobs has taken a bit of getting used to :D)
