I know this is a very sensitive subject but at the time of going to press I am living in a free country where it is still possible( just about) to express MY views. I was brought up a Catholic, but as soon as I was able to speak my mind and get away with it I stopped going to church. I used all the excuses I could think of but basically I just couldn't be bothered and wasn't sure there was such a thing as God. Yet all my life I have never been brave enough to deny his existance completly,and at times have actually "spoke " to him in my own way. Years ago when something awful happened I would hear people say..How could a god let this happen.. but it was usually man that caused it or let it happen and sometimes it was an act of nature. I am a firm believer that Nature has Her own way of dealing with things,whether it be floods famine or whatever. So..when awful things happened in my life I couldn't blame a God that may or may not exist, not even when my 18yr old son was taken from me nor could I take him into a church for his funeral. What I did do..and this was more for the sake of my parents and numerous Aunts and Uncles was have a priest come to say a few prayers for him at the chapel of rest, I did pray for my son and asked that he be looked after if there was this "afterlife". Just playing it safe,because deep down I don't know what is going to happen when we are dead. When I was told i had cancer there was no sobbing and beating of my chest with "why me god" I don't blame him....why should I he didn't force me to smoke. The other day my Mum rang....this is now becoming a daily occurance...and she asked me did i want the priest to call and see me now when I was young the priest only came to visit people if they were really old or on their deathbed,and I know it is harder for them to drum up people to come visit them but are they really that desperate that they have to visit me !! I really don't want to upset my Mum but I really do not want a priest.....whats he going to do take away the cancer I don't think so. I did reassure her that if I got desperate I might just manage to find that big house where he hangs out. So I thought that would be the end of it but oh no....last night my Aunt rung me,I can count on one hand the times that has happened and they are all post cancer, she wants me to go to some sort of reconciliation sevice tonight,apparently its like a mass confessional and we will all be forgiven. What did I do that needs forgivness!! I have always tried to be a good person and am usually kind to animals and old people( if this carries on I may start being cruel to certain old people) and to be fair she wasn't really saying I had to decide there and then but to think about it.....then followed this up by saying I could let my Mum know today when she called to see me. She also said she knew I must believe in God as I had the priest that time for my son ggggrrrrrrr. So today is to be a 2 pronged attack,do they not know by now that when I am told I must or should there is not a cat in hells chance i will!!!!!! My Aunt even said it would make me feel better.....duh I have cancer..there's not a lot that makes me feel good about that and I don't think a priest woud quite do it for me either. Anyway I have this really great reason for not going..note I didn't say excuse cos I don't need one.....my brother is coming round for his tea and is going to look at a new toy I treated myself to...its one of these tablet thingy's so I can lie in bed and do stuff on the internet,but I havn't been able to access utube on it so he is going to have a look for me,its great having a brother who is a computer wizard. I have another brother as well but if he turned up at the house or was to ring me I would know for sure that I must be ill or ready to die, we havn't fallen out or anything its just not his way of doing things.....being sociable that is. Ah well happy families and all that . I think thats me up to date..better remember to put something on my head today and get dressed or my parents will think I am a right slob...well I am but I have managed to keep that secret from them for 57yrs hahaha. It feels really good getting all that off my chest I am so glad I found this site. XX Colette
