Highly Sensitive

You're not being oversensitive. Don't answer her calls, life is too short to tolerate morons. If you're a particuarly lovely person (clearly I am not, but you seem quite nice :p) you could try to explain that she is being quite hurtful and whilst you appreciate that she tries to take your mind off of things and lighten the mood sometimes you feel she takes things too far and you'd like her to appreciate the gravity of the situation from time to time.

I'm glad things looked up a bit when you saw your family. Take care. Lx

Hi Jules,

Much as I hate to say this about you so called friend.

I think its Arse kicking time. Then invite her to join your Arse Kicking Club. See if she finds that funny. Look after yourself.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx

Hi jules,

No you are not being over sensitve.........she is being unsensitive ... personally I would tell her to go forth and well lol sorry xx I have been through the same thing jules, When I was diagnosed with my breast cancer an aquaintance of mine was very interested to know why I didnt have an op first! apparantly her neighbour was diagnosed and she had an op first...... so she said to me *oh your breast cancer cant be as bad seeing as you arnt having an op first!

Then she went on to say that I looked too well to be ill, well I didnt want to get into anything with her but her attitude was really peeing me off, So I told her straight....... I said that all cancers were bad, and told her that I couldnt have an op because my lump was too big, and that i needed 8months of chemo to shrink it to have my op, then rads for four weeks, I didnt really want to tell her anything but she really got my goat up!!!!!!!! Then she said *oh does that mean your prognosis isnt good then? I thought all breast cancers were the same? to whick I replied that there are different kinds of breast cancer and that I had a rare kind.

I did feel guilty afterwards, but my daughter said to me that she asked for it for bieng so insensitve xxxx jules dont worry about people like that is all i can say,  just worry about your family and good friends and yourself hun xxxxx take care hugs xxxxxxxx

Some people have no idea. Maybe in her own wierd way she thought she could relate to your situation. I think that she has been very insensitive - (she probably has no idea though), very naive and ignorant of your situation. Sounds like she has her own issues, with being off work, that actually you could probably do without.

In my experience a lot people don't get it. I was avoided by some and I was asked "is it operable?" which worried me no end when I first found out about my 'growth'. Another really good friend said the following:

"You'll be glad to know that only 1% of tumours are sarcomas?"

To said my husband answered: Why that f**k would we be glad to know that - we are the 1%???

He then spent that next 10 minutes trying to explain himself with me and Matt peeing our pants about his 'fact'. He really thought he was giving us some comforting information.

Another friend said: "You need to make sure you are only around positive people. Can I ask you something?, it might upset you... Do you need your head shaved?"

And when I had it confirmed that my tumour was malignant - another friend asked "Have you told the girls?"

My girls were 6 and 4 at the time - they knew I wasn't well and having badness removed from my head but what the hell was I going to tell them? They didn't know what cancer was at the time.

Anyway - I wrote all the above in my diary thinking that I may write a book entitled 'Crap things people say when you've been diagnosed with cancer'. Maybe we should start a thread and then a book.

Anyone got anything else to add?

Jules, I hope you manage to put what this 'friend' has said to the back of your mind and add it to the list of the rubbish people come out with.

You take care of yourself

Love

Jo x

hi jules...i had the same sort of experience as you,from so called 'friends'..comments like 'oh you are so lucky??? to get a boob job without having to pay for it'..hang on a minute i didnt ask for cancer,i didnt want my breast removed!I also had comments like 'why dont you shave your hair off for charity,seeing as you are going to lose it anyway'...as it happens i didnt have to have chemo.And the final straw came when someone said to me they thought i should seek help because they were 'concerned' that i may have 'Maunchausens'!!! because i was attending hospital every week to have one procedure or another done...I wont repeat what my response to that was!...Jules we dont need people like that around us..we need to stay positive and strong to get us through our journey..and i agree wholeheartedly with Sarsfields comment about the ArseKicking Club..Theres a few people I'd love to invite ( she says with a grin on her face)...chin up sweetie!

Nikki x x