Here I am, sat here on my bed in my little bedroom alone, apart from Jake my dog, dunking Rich Tea biscuits into coffee! WHAT?! I know, I know! Sacrilege, a faux pas! I will be cast out of society tea drinking circles! This is what it has come to; the water in this town is so appalling I can no longer drink tea; it doesn’t taste like tea anymore. What could I do? The biscuits were about to go soggy with age, having been abandoned in the cupboard. I had to dunk them in something. I apologise if I have already offended anyone, I can only say there are mitigating circumstances that will become clear as time goes on.
I have been meaning to write for some time now. There is a constant monologue going on in my head, I do so hope this is so for others and I am not just insane! I often imagine I’m talking to someone or just myself, anyone who will listen basically. So I thought maybe I should write a blog? As a brooding troubled teenager I faithfully wrote a diary for several years, something I decided to burn later in life due to it being so full of self loathing negativity! I did write to Pat, my late partner, every night for about 5 months until I had to move from the home we shared recently and decided to stop. I still have that but I wouldn’t suggest anyone reads it; even I have trouble reading it without tears. I call it my little book of pain, because that is what it is all about...the pain of losing a loved one. So not the two best examples of my writing but I’m hoping this will be a little different. If I get too depressing just give me a verbal slap and tell me to ‘pull myself together’. Stiff upper lip and all that, we’re British for goodness sake!
I have never written for anyone, apart from essays at school. School for me was definitely not ‘the best years of my life’. I spent most of my school days day dreaming or wishing I was somewhere else, if I could have been invisible to my fellow students that would have suited me down to the ground. I never really fitted in and I was average, even slightly below average in some subjects, but never low enough to receive extra help, ‘could do better’ was a regular comment on most of my reports. I didn’t have the courage to ask for help so I poodled along hoping someone, i.e. a teacher, would notice I was in above my head. They didn’t, unfortunately my invisibility wish came true where most teachers were concerned. Thank god for the head of the English department, my English teacher and a late blooming passion for reading. I churned out a few good essays and managed to get a reasonable result in English Language and Literature. That was that as they say, I couldn’t wait to get out of school and get a job!
So here I am, thinking I can actually write something someone would actually find interesting with an O’Level grade C in English Language and Literature! Ha ha! (Well I did say a reasonable result, not a good one!). I can’t quote Shakespeare or Latin and I’m not very well read despite a love of reading. The thing is I find writing very enjoyable, therapeutic even and that is something I so desperately need at the moment after the year I have just had. And I am just hoping that maybe, along the way, writing things down will help me to sort out this tangle of a life, even to find some sort of meaning to what has happened, though I’m not holding my breath on that one. One of my other loves is to talk, to discuss and to find out other people views. So please feel free to chip in, tell me I’m right, tell me I’m wrong, tell me your own stories. I hope someone does!
Love it or loathe it Face Book is a huge success as are many other social networking sites. Someone once said ‘how could we have ever doubted that the likes of Face Book and My Space would be a success? It is human nature to reach out, to communicate, to express’. So while this Blog is for my benefit, this is just another way to communicate and communication is a two way street.....
Jules
