pfft.. Ive finished chemo almost a year ago now, and the time is slowly creeping up to my 1year MRI.. and i am SOOOO unbeliveably sure im going insane!
i cant help but think...
'ive got and head ache' it must be back!
'my arms hurting' it's definalty back!
is it me, or has any one else experienced this obsession with constantly thinking this? is it normal?
the other day, my boyfriend dean had just done a work out, and came in the room and said,
'ooof.. ive got a head ache' and immediatley i thought..' oh my god! go to the doctors' i keep associating everything to do with illness's with cancer!
arrrgghh.. im becoming a hypacondraic (i don't think thats how you spell it!) but you know what i mean... serioulsy, i dream about it, i think about it.. lol.. im crazy are'nt i? some one please tell me this is normal!!
much love xx
FormerMember
You can't go through what you have been through without it sticking around for a while. Don't forget that your mind made a collosal effort to adapt suddenly to the circumstances you found yourself in - a huge shock - and it is bound to imprint itself. I think they call it a battle with cancer because afterwards we feel some degree of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome - I'm sure we do.
I got the free DVD from the Penny Brohn Centre near Bristol, and it contains info on coping with the aftermath of having survived cancer - how to deal with all sorts of stress, and how to accept things and move on.
Of course the stress is back every time you have to go for a check-up, but I am sure that gradually it will fade.
I only found out I had cancer after the Blood Donor centre found I had low haemoglobin. That is so fortuitous and a lot of people have a diagnosis after reporting something trivial.
Add to that the number of people on here who say that staff often have difficulty in reading results correctly from scans etc.
If you think it's coming back again, that is Paranoia, everyone in the universe has that, but sometimes they are really out to get you.
If you just go for your MRI scan and forget it until you know the results, that should keep it under control. Do your mammographies, your smear tests and don't worry. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. Start a new project to take your mind off it. Just be aware, but don't be scared. This feeling will wear off soon.
Hi Joanne - yes, yes, yes, perfectly normal!! Well, that's exactly how I feel and react all the time. I feel an ache in a joint, say the knee, and straight away, I'm off! Is that the cancer nibbling away at my knee cap, or; that's a pain I've got in my ankle, has it got in there as well. So, even if it turned out that everybody else said NO - at least you know there are TWO of us who feel the same. It's only the heebie jeebies sweetheart, and we've all earned the right to have them now and then, haven't we? Stay strong, fight the good fight and may the gods smile down on you. lotsa love and xxxxxxxx's kate
Hi Joanne - Like Kate, I feel exactly the same as you. The slightest little twinge and I'm convinced my cancer has spread somewhere else. You're doing brilliantly and let's hope your scan will prove it. A whole year already - fantastic! Try to put it out of your head [easier said than done, I know] but if you feel like having a whinge or a moan, well go ahead sweetie - you deserve it! I'm sure as time goes by, you'll relax more and start enjoying your life again. In the meantime, loads of love and hugs, Kate xxxxx
You are far from crazy.. this is part of the process. As part of my treatment I was referred to a very wise psychiatrist , I discovered my cancer accidentally after a major trauma and had more than cancer to deal with(some accidents are VERY lucky ones). She told me to give things a week... aches, pains etc.... and agree with yourself that you will check back with yourself about the "ailment"in a week. Then, if things need sorting you'll deal with it....
So, I had an achy back, I lost so much sleep over it, I'm a great night-time worrier! I finally decided to put the advice to the test and I told myself that if my back was still sore on the following Sunday I would call my Dr....
It did take a couple of days, but when I quizzed myself about it I realized that it seemed to be getting better and by the following week's quiz, it had gone!
Give it a try, and don't beat yourself up, my GP told me that after my treatment I was to come to her with ANY concerns..... and that she expected this sort of thing to happen.... I've only needed to see her once in the last year, once you know what's going on in your head and get some understanding of it, mostly the problem gets much smaller and even goes away.
There is life after all this, you can put the craziest amount of Sh** behind you, but recovery is never a straight line, there are always bumps!
