waiting for my mid chemo scan results tomorrow at 2.30......... funny how you always remember the exact time you have to be there when normally i cant usually remember and have to look it up but tomorrow is so important it is to tell me if the chemo has done what its supposed to have done and im literally crapping myself.....for want of a better word sorry guys but thats how im feeling
im feeling sorry for myself today damn this feeling but i could burst into tears at the drop of a hat and its not like me !!! i guess its my own fault really i put on this brave painted face and im alright jack attitude to everyone in here because i dont want them to worry about me but its back firing big time because they dont realise how unwell im really feeling
is it wrong to try and save them from reality or should i just tell them how ill i really do feel when i so dont want them to have to !!! they arent kids youngest is 16 but i want them to be normal and act normal and have a normal life i dont want people to look at them and think poor souls their mum has cancer and put them into a category when i know i have lost many FRIENDS because of this bloody cancer id be as well having bloody leprosy or is cancer just the 20th century name for leprosy!!!
since i have been diagnosed with it seems that im one to be avoided as everyone makes sure they dont tx come round and even avoid talking to me in shops or the street and makes it so blatantly obvious........oh well i feel like screaming "i havent changed im still the same person and you cant catch it off me just by talking to me" so for now i will try and just get on with my life ripped apart with this awful thing thats ended up on our doorstep and wait for my results tomorrow
my 4th chemo on wednesday and im dreading that as well cos no3 was awful side effects wise....... but i will go there and get it over with and plod on and spray my face on every morning i get up which will say "hey everyone im fine "but only you know im not ,,,,,,,my friends on here who have been on the same journey and walked the same path ......thank you because i know you understand this blog more than any .................im a fighter and i wont let this beat me just a moment of weakness.......take care everyone love and hugs jen xxxxx
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