sorry ,but im feeling very low and hopefully getting it out will help,
This time last year we were all so happy ,school hols had started ,we had 2 weeks off together ,for fun and family , i was also preparing lots of suprises for ju,s 40 th birthday on 3rd august ,water skiing ,meals out ,lots of fun and quality time ,
Then his symptoms started ,so we knew he wasnt well, anyway various appts followed ,but me being me stayed positive ,we tried our best for kids to enjoy his birthday but we knew ,just by how tired he was that he was very poorly, im not going to say anymore except the month of august devastated us we were given the terminal diognosis , in truth i never accepted it or believed it then ,so dont want to go back their now as is just too painful ,
now a year on our lives have been devastated and im having a hard time accepting it ,i try not to think back but sometimes i cant help it ,friends and family have long since forgotten how we are feeling ,the only people who seem to understand are on here ,and if im honest ive not even told them how im feeling as i try to be a happy ,positive person most of the time,
i do think back and think how lucky we were that we had that time ,those 8 months ,to create memories ,and love each other ,all those cuddles and kisses , no cross words ,no arguments , just a family who loved each other,and my most precious memory was after ju,s cancer spread to his brain and he lost his speech ,the only thing he could say was * i love you * which we said to each other even when we would only leave the room ,even those minutes were precious ,
so i suppose even though im feeling down ,and missing ju ,their is always a positive side to things ,or maybe thats just my way ,i try to be positive ,this next 10 days is going to be a huge struggle prob with lots of tears ,but hopefully some happy memories to be shared too , we would have been together 16 years next week ,not bad for someone who is only 34 :)
i do so wish i could turn the clock back , but fate is fate ,and all i can do it try and keep smiling for the kids , and i will in a few days be ok again , i hope !
