Well ive not been right for a few days ,very tearful ,up and down like a yo yo, i even cried myself to sleep one night ,and i havent done that since ju first died ,
I hate being like this as im such a happy positive person ,even though i know its "normal" lol me normal ! but i now realise why ive been so unsettled ,
Well another nightmare shift today, my legs is still painful and swollen so i was struggling (bloody horsefly ) , then a collegue thought i was going to do all her work for her, well she was stunned when i said no , so was i ,but its about time ,
When i got home their was a letter form funeral director/stone mason to say ju,s memorial stone was ready and in the churchyard, so off i went ,with beautiful plant that id been saving , all i can say as too emotional is its perfect ,
This was my chance to say my final goodbye on my own just us ,and it was so hard , theirs been so many goodbyes and each one gets harder not easier as people think , but at least ju is now in his final place he can rest in peace in beautiful surroundings ,this is all ive wanted since he died in my arms , peace .quiet and no more pain , i feel i can now settle ,now i know ju is settled, may seem daft but thats me ,
This time last year this whole nightmare began ,though we didnt know the extent of it then , but i will come out of this a stronger person , and i will have a positive happy future as ju wanted , we are a very close family now, we were before but this has brought us together ,
And ju my lovely , i will make you proud , and you can rest in peace now, with our hearts and love with you always , fly free with the angels ,xxxxx
